Answers to Lifes Tough Questions

Explaining

2006-08-16T12:28:00.000-07:00

Well I suppose I have a lot of explaining to do...

As many of you know over the past year or so the majority of the people associated with Youth Leadership Institute have moved to Idaho in a hope to expand the community in which has been started at APU in California. I was very against this move for quite some time. No matter what was said I thought it was too stupid.

God has been changing my heart a lot lately. At the conference this year a lot came to the surface in Wes and my relationship. At first it seemed as though everything was going to be all better and that we were going to have a far better relationship than we had been having. The more I started to work through the issues that came up at the conference the more confused I got because I was not feeling a sense of healing, but I was instead feeling more and more anger. At myself for wearing so many masks for so long in an attempt to pretend some of what was going on was not actually going on. At Wes for what had gone on. At my friends for either not knowing and not noticing or at the ones that did know what was going on and never did anything about it. I did not like where my life was going. I tried to talk myself out of this anger and nothing seemed to work, the anger and hurt just kept building up more and more inside of me.

We just got back from Team 3, the wilderness experience I was able to be a part of. I did a lot of thinking while I was in the middle of the most beautiful place I have ever been.

Ever since Wes and I started dating about 4 years ago, I feel as though everyone forgot who Ashley was. I was suddenly Ashley, Wes' girlfriend, that one chick who is dating Wes, Wes and Ashley. For a long time I really enjoyed this identity. One thing I thought about more and more while we were up there was that I don't even know who the heck I am anymore, let alone anyone else. This really scared me. I am not saying it was bad that when people thought of Wes they thought of Ashley and when people thought of Ashley they automatically thought of Wes, but I just feel as though I have no clue who I am anymore. I don't want to start my life this way.

APU. Most people who know me well enough know that I chose to attend APU for no other reason that I couldn't live without Wes. Some of my best memories were at APU this past year, but also some of my absolute worst memories were at APU this past year. Right now I am paying $30,000 a year to get a teaching credential that will do me no good if I decide to live anywhere but California, and with the amount I will have in student loans and the cost of living in California I will not be staying there long anyways.

People that are around Wes and I for any long period of time know that we bicker a lot. We are always in some little argument or another. This really makes a lot of the time we spend together miserable.

I spent a lot of time in the past week and a half thinking about my life and where I am at. For the first time I admitted I am very unhappy in my life. I thought and prayed a lot about all these thoughts, along with several others and came to a decision.

I am going to move here to Idaho and be part of the community of revolutionaries that I have made a commitment to through YLI. I want a fresh start in my life, away from all of the distractions and things in my life. Part of this came with making the hardest decision of my life, ending the 4 year relationship I have had with Wes. I feel like I cannot grow and become the woman God wants me to be when I am so consumed by a relationship. Wes has become everything to me. We talk about worshiping people and that is what I have done times 1000. This is not fair to Wes. I am not seeking God in every aspect of my life. I am seeking Wes and searching for all of the answers to my life questions in Wes. I have not been putting God first in any aspect of my life. I have been putting Wes first. I have not given either of us the opportunity to grow because I suffocate any chance by my need to be with Wes. Wes has told me this before, that I never give him his space, he reminds me that we are not married. I hate that I did not understand this sooner. One of my closest friends said to me, "Girl, you are way overcommitted in your relationship!" This is so true. I have been asking Wes to be my husband in everyday life, but never giving him a chance to become that person.

I thought if I just moved to Idaho and stayed in my relationship with Wes things would work out and we could grow and heal what needed to grow and heal. But the more I thought about it and with how well I know myself, I would have made our time apart a living hell. I honestly believe that I would not have given either of us this opportunity. So as I thought about it and prayed about it more and more, I believe I made the best, yet hardest decision of my life.

I still love and care about Wes very much, which makes my decision even more painful. I pray that God will heal us. I am not asking God to put us back together, I am asking God for direction and a friendship that will not die. Wes has given me the best four years of my life and I cannot thank him enough for that. I know the next few months will be the hardest few months of my life, but that is part of the healing process.

I hope that you understand a little more why I have made this decision. Please ask questions. I know many of you are very angry with me right now, and all I can do is say I am sorry. I hope you all might see what I see right now. Thank you for all of the love and support I have recieved over the past few years from everyone, I pray that I will not loose that forever.

I love you all so very much.

TEAM '06 Thoughts

2006-07-09T11:22:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I know my blogging has been more and more sparse as of late, but I'm here now, so that's what really counts, right? I'm sure anyone reading this has already read on Wes' blog that we are up at APU at the Youth Leadership Institute TEAM conference. We are 3 days in and it has been amazing. I just have so share something I find so amazing. This morning we were in our staff meeting and we started with some prayer requests for some of our students that have not been feeling so well. But from that came this amazing time of brokenness among our staff. In the first general session we had, Nathan Barnes from Plunge Ministries in Thunderbay Canada spoke on taking off our masks, (an amazing session which should be available on-line sometime in the next few weeks. And in this staff meeting there were so many masks removed. It was incredible. There was such a freedom afterwards. I will try to post more later about the session, but I am still in such an awe about how in a room of staff, there was so much vunerability and openness.

Beautiful.

AMAZING ARTICLE!!

2006-06-04T22:30:00.000-07:00

So I am guilty... I thought being home from school for the summer would open up my schedule for more blogging but working 50+ hours a week right now is not allowing for much of that either.

I just read this article about Rob Bell in the Chicago Sun Times and highly recommend it!! Click on the title of this post or here is the link

http://www.suntimes.com/output/news/cst-nws-nooma04.html

I promise I will try and make time for more blogging!

Is Finally Here!!!

2006-04-07T14:03:00.000-07:00

So I must admit that my blogging life has been next to non-existant, but I must express how excited I am that it is spring break!!! I am so ready for some time off, well not really time off, time at home reading a book by Karl Barth titled The Humanity of God. I get to kick off the break with one more night here at school and then leaving tomorrow morning to go and support Wes and the rest of the APU rugby team. If I don't make it back before the end of Easter break, I hope you all have an amazing Easter!

And the results are in!!!

2006-03-17T14:17:00.000-08:00

My amazing roommate Alison and I got our ACCEPTANCE letters today for the Alpha program I had talked about earlier and we were accepted as Alpha leaders! We are very excited and thank you all so much for all of your prayers!!! We are celebrating with a roommate date to Cheesecake Factory!!! YAY!!

Amazing Story

2006-03-03T10:24:00.000-08:00

The other day I received an e-mail from NOOMA containing this story. For those of you that have seen the latest NOOMA, 012 Matthew this might mean a little more to you, but for those of you that have not seen it, I strongly encourage you to see it.

I just received 3 copies of Nooma 12 "Matthew" today. I bought one for myself and 2 to share with others that need to hear the message. My wife and I had purchased the previous 11 Nooma videos. It was always nice to sit together on the occasions in our life when we could carve out time and ask God to speak into our lives through Rob's teachings.

When I went to the Nooma web-site and noticed that there was a new video available I was surprised. It hadn't been that long since we purchased Nooma 1-11. When I listened to the clip I was speechless. What a gift from God at just the right time in my life.

You see, my wife and younger son and I moved from our home of 23 years in California to Boise, ID in the summer of 2005. Our older son chose to stay in CA with friends. We left behind family, friends and a church body that loved us well. While I had a job offer, we had a sense that God was moving us to Idaho for other reasons which we did not understand. It has been a wonderful 7 months, making new friends, growing closer to each other and to God.

On January 21, 2006, my wife Nancy (47 years old) passed away from a cerebral aneurysm. There was never any indication that there was a problem. The night before we had friends over for dinner (she had a gift for hospitality) and then we went to a missions meeting at church. As we returned home our conversations were all about how God might direct the future. It was an exciting time. In the morning I returned to the room to tell Nancy I would take Chris to school, allowing her to sleep longer. I found Nancy having a seizure. She never regained conciseness. We were with her for 66 hours in the hospital. It was a time for disbelief as doctors explained what had happened and the probable outcome. It was a time for prayer, asking God for a miracle, saying "God, I know that over and over Christ told people "your faith has saved you", please save Nancy. It was a time to grieve deeply as it became evident that she was only alive because
the ventilator was breathing for her. It was a time to gather friends and family to remember how much she meant to each of our lives. The 66 precious hours were a gift from God. Nancy lived life like it mattered. I know she is with the Lord. She's in a better place. It still hurts. God is still loving and good.

Reflecting on why God moved us to Idaho, it's as if God was saying "Trust me, you don't know what is going to happen, but I do. You need to rid your life of all of your commitments and obligations and cling to each other, cling to me. You need to take long walks together and see beautiful sunsets together, because you don't know it, but you only have 7 months left with Nancy". What a gift.

Thanks for reminding me that Jesus wept.

Alpha

2006-02-24T12:58:00.000-08:00

So yesterday my roommate and I both had our interviews for the Alpha program here at APU. For thoes of you who don't know, Alpha is a program where all incoming freshman get put in these groups led by an upper-classmen. Students meet in these groups once a week as well as attend the begginings class once a week. Topics such as strengths of the inndividual, sexual abuse, discrimination and many other topics are covered over the course of their first semester at APU. This is a great program that I am hoping I will be able to continue with my envolvement! We don't find out for almost 3 more weeks, but keep us in prayer that all goes well!!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY WES!!!

2006-02-14T16:19:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentines Day Wes!!! I love you so much! Thank you for everything! Your amazing!

Re: Rat Poison

2006-02-13T15:01:00.000-08:00

This is in response to Wes's latest post Rat Poison.

All too often we get caught up in the fact that "I cannot forgive him or her" because "you don't know what they did to me". When we get in this pattern of thinking we hurt ourselves more than we hurt the other person. If that person really did what you say they did and they ment it like you say they did, your forgiveness probably doesn't mean as much to them. There are exceptions, and not everyone thinks this way, but allow me to continue. But how do you feel when you with hold your forgiveness from this person? You constantly think about it, you are so bitter about what this person did to you you cannot stop thinking about it. Its as though you are being forced to re-live it day after day.

Forgiveness is such a freeing thing.

If you allow yourself to forgive this person that wronged you, it will be as through you have a burden lifted off your shoulder. You will no longer be consumed with what this person did to you. It doesn't mean that person never hurt you, but you are no longer allowing the thought to hurt you day after day. Memories are not always kind to us, when you forgive you can let go of what happened.

Forgiveness does not mean you are okay with what that person did to you. Forgiveness means that your mind will no longer be consumed with what that person did to you.

Because someone is forgiven does not mean that what they did is now right. When a man rapes a woman, if she can forgive him, she is not telling him she is okay with what she did, or that she thinks it is now right, she is saying that she is not going to allow this to consume her daily.

Forgiveness might also be letting something go. Forgiveness doesn't mean you are saying "It's okay, don't worry about it". Think about what Jesus said when he forgave someone "Your sins are forgiven, go and sin NO MORE!" Forgiveness might mean saying "I forgive you, but please, please never do that again".

Like Wes said don't forgive for them, forgive for you.

Now I Can Be Your Friend

2006-01-31T20:27:00.000-08:00

Today Wes and I joined our friend Ryan in a venture down to Skid Row in Los Angles. We went to help with the Say Yes program put on by a local church in the area. It is an after school program for the children and mothers in the area. We got there and were warmly greeted my a room full of children so excited to see us. Within the first 2 minutes we all had a little boy or girl on our shoulders wanting to be carried around. We played with them for the first hour and then moved into a homework time. I was helping in the second and third grade class. I was sitting with a little boy who was reading a book of quotes from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. This boy read me the part from King's most famous "I have a dream" speech given in 1963.

As he read the words,

"I have a dream ... one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers."

As he finished reading this to me, he looked up at me and said, his dream came true, now I can be your friend.

I have never felt so humbled and so speechless.

Hug Quota

2006-01-31T00:21:00.000-08:00

Today in my Personal and Social Adjustment class our professor shared with us that physchologists say that humans need 12 quality hugs each day to maintain a healthy level of emotional health?

SO HUG SOMEONE TODAY!!!

Lost: Season 1

2006-01-29T01:31:00.000-08:00

So I have to confess... when Janette came to visit me this weekend I had no idea that I would become addicted... Last night around 9 PM we began watching season one of Lost and we have 3 episodes to go in the season, this has to be the MOST addicting show in the world!! Who knows, I might come out with something insightful to blog about!

I WANT ICE CREAM

2006-01-17T20:09:00.000-08:00

Okay, I want ice cream and Wes is denying me this right, I think we should all write him nasty comments on his blog! :) Or he could just take me to the store to get Ice Cream!!!

Back At School

2006-01-09T09:13:00.000-08:00

I am back at school and ready to start class (well maybe ready!) Wish me luck!

Happy New Year!!!

2006-01-05T00:56:00.000-08:00

Okay I know I am late, but better late than never right??? I have been super busy and away from my computer a lot latley. My break from school has been really nice, I feel like I have given my thoughts a chance to rest and clear, I will be back with something more soon, but for now I am going to say goodnight!

In Loving Memory of Teeters

2005-12-18T15:49:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we had to put my kitty to sleep. His stomach was full of cancer (I know there has got to be a more technicial name for that) and he hasn't eatten or drank anything in over a month, I have no clue how he was still alive. He was just finally getting to the point where he couldn't really move around too much. He was a trooper till the very end. The shot that they use to put them to sleep that normally takes 2-3 minutes took 50 minutes.

Could you please pray for my family, especially my mom, she has been taking it especially hard in light of the Christmas season and just loosing her father.

The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe

2005-12-09T23:27:00.000-08:00

Wes and I just got back from seeing CS Lewis' The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and The Wardrobe and it was nothing short of absoutley amazing!! I won't say anything more than that for now just to give everyone a chance to see it, but it is a must see, we'll talk more about it later!

The Theology of... Having FUN!!!

2005-12-09T12:51:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I tried to be cool like Wes and do a "theological" post, but it just isn't going to happen that way! This past week we have been having Christmas Movies, popcorn, popcorn garlands, hot coco, paper snowflakes and tons of FUN!!! We decided to take a break from the hussle and bussle of the stress of finals coming next week and each night enjoy something to Celebrate Christmas!! So far we have seen Polar Express, Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, The Little Drummer Boy, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Elf, Its Christmas Charlie Brown and parts of The Santa Clause!

May you all find a time this Christmas season to rest and enjoy Christmas!!!

Where is the Love?

2005-12-01T09:46:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: This post is by no means a direct attack to Wes' latest post, but it did get me thinking. And I am by no means inocent in this area.

Attending a Christian college I see a lot of moving images through out different classes, chapels, sesssions and just surfing the internet. These images range from thoes of the most beautiful orphan baby in the world, to thoes like Wes spoke about of Sex Trafficing. It never fails that these images compel someone to feel the heartache that comes with seeing these images. I always hear stories of someone suddenly realizing that it is not about what they can continue to do for themselves but what they can do for the hurting people around them.

This is amazing! I wish everyone could come to this realization!!

But what do these people actually do with these convictions?

Do they sit there and feel good about themselves because they look at things differently now? That is just as selfish.

Are they excited for a day or two then as soon as someone does something to them, they forget about it because they are so focused on what he or she did to me?

"She said something about me behind my back"
"He ditched me for that other person"
"She woke me up 5 minutes earlier than I wanted to"
"He yelled at me"
"She won't leave me alone"
"He was looking at that girl and ignored everything I said"
"Does he see how good I am to him?"

Get my point?

Going back to Wes' example of Sex Trafficing, I wonder if there compalints might sound more like this.

"They sold me without giving me a chance"
"He said it wouldn't hurt"
"He said he loved me"
"He beat me"
"He won't pay attention to my needs"
"He slept with that girl too, now I have HIV/AIDS"
"Does he see any good in me at all?"

Have you ever been sold for someone else profit, only to be a sex slave to someone else? If you have I am so sorry. I pray for you that you will recover from what has been done to you. I pray that you will find a safe refuge. But if you have not, can you even imagine the horror of this life.

This is a picture of a 18 year old girl who fell from a 6 story building trying to escape another night of abuse from men who saw nothing in her except something to fulfill his obcession with sex.

This is what so many of us are blind to. I know people hear of these things and do change and do something to make a difference, I am no accusing these people. I am not trying to acuse anyone, I just want us to think.

Allow me to change subjects again...

I have read of so many women whose husbands/fiances/boyfriends hear of women being abused in this way (the women being sold into sex trafficing, or any other form of sexual abuse), physically and sexually. They cannot believe someone would do this. But look at their life. What do they do when she says stop? Do they pretend they didn't hear her because they don't want to stop? When she makes him angy does he yell at her? If she tries to do something in her defence what does he do? Does he hit her?

You might be saying, well Ashley this is different, these women here are not abused in the same ways. I know. Let me ask you this question. Does a woman have to not know the man, not love the man in order for it to be bad enough to consider it a problem? Is what is going on in these situations I just described as not worth trying to fix?

I guess what I am trying to say is these men say they cannot think of something to do to solve the problem. Maybe his proactive decision might include treating her right. Treating her the way she deserves. Stoping when she says stop. Don't hit her. Don't yell at her.

I know one of the main reasons I forget the images I see is because I don't know what to do. I think there is nothing I can do, I get busy and forget. I know I am not the only one who feels this way.

My Exodus/Deuteronomy professor just said today that these amazing experiences are not enough to remember, we need to make a concious decision to remember every day. Over and over in Deuteronomy we are told not to forget. It is in our human nature to forget.

May we be people who do not forget. When we don't know what to do for the child or woman across the world, look at the child and woman right next to us. God will show us. Don't forget.

Allow me to close with this worship song.

Many men will drink the rain
And turn and thank the clouds
Many men will hear You speak
They will never turn around

But I will not forget You
You are my God and my King
With a thankful heart
I bring my offering

And my sacrifice is
Not what You can give
But what I alone can
Give to You

A grateful heart I give
A thankful prayer I pray
A wild dance I dance before You
A loud song I sing
A huge bell I ring
A life of praise I live before You

Many men will pour their gold
And serve a thing that shines
Many men will read Your words
They will never change their minds

Label: Maranatha, Integrity & Vineyard Praise Band;

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

2005-11-24T10:46:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!
Enjoy family, food and football!!!

Quote from a favorite Prof

2005-11-15T10:19:00.000-08:00

Just before the exam I just took in one of my classes my prof had one of the most genius quotes I have heard in a while, part of it could be that my head has been clogged up with a 5 day cold, but hey thought I would share it with you.

He said he started dating his wife in high school because he didn't want to push his luck in trying to fool someone else, then he got married early so she wouldn't change her mind.

I don't know what it was about this that made me think of my situation, ;-)

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions!

2005-11-11T10:33:00.000-08:00

When I came here to APU I was a Liberal Studies major, simply because I didn't think what I wanted to do would get me anywhere in life. Then I switched thinking it would all work out for me. I switched my major to Christian Ministries. Right after doing this, I went to a meeting for all new Christian Ministries majors and they suggested we double major in something else. Now I was more confused than ever. I have spent a good part of this semester trying to think of what I want to do with my life (if any of you know me well at all you know I have to know exactally what I am doing and when). I have decided to do a double major with Christian Ministries and Psychology with a concentration in either family and children or ministry. I want to go on after I finish my undergrad and get my masters in Martital Counsiling. Sound like a plan? This is one of thoes things I want somones opinion on, so I have come to my place of greater council. I mean hey as many problems as I have, I might as well major in something I can use to fix all of my own problems!

Tanak

2005-11-10T10:15:00.000-08:00

You learn something new everyday...

Today in my Exodus/Deuteronomy class we are talking about the Make-Up of the Hebrew Bible and we began talking about the Tanak.

I found out that Tanak is an acronym from Torah Nebi'im Kitubim.

Just to cover all the bases...

The Torah,, which means the law or direction, is the first five books in the Old Testament, Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy.

The Nebi'im, which means the prophets, is divided into two sections:
The Former Prophets: Judges, Joshua, 1 & 2 Samuel and 1 & 2 kings
The Later Prophets: Isaiah, Jeremiah and Ezekiel and then what is called The Book of The 12 which includes Hosea, Joel, Amos, Obadiah, JOnah, Micah, Nahum, Habakkuk, Zephaniah, Haggai, Zechariah and Malachi

The Kitubim, which means writings, which is Psalms, Job, Proverbs, The Megilot which means the scrolls which includes, Ruth, Song of Solomon, Ecclesiastes, Lamentations and Esther; then Daniel, Ezra, Nehemian and 1 & 2 Chronicles.

There is your little history lesson for the day! I thought it was interesting thought you would too!!

Loving God... Loving Others

2005-11-05T16:42:00.000-08:00

I think so many times in our Christian lives we can confuse ourselves.

The Bible tells us to love God and secondly to love others.

Doesn't this mean to love others as much as we can? Isn't it what we are called to do?

What does it mean to love others?

In church we grow up learning that we need to spend every minute of our lives with God. Doesn't this translate to people? When we love someone shouldn't we want to spend as much time as possible with that person. When you don't want to be around that person, does it mean you don't love them? Is there something wrong or somethine missing? Is someone at fault? The one not wanting to be with the other, the one not getting to be with the other?

Where do you draw the line?

What is the difference between loving and obsessing? What if what you see as love another sees as obsession? Does that mean your love is not valid to them? Does it mean you do not really love?

What happens when you don't understand love?

What happens when what you think is love is responsed to in anger? What happens when what you through was love is full of pain and confusion?

The harder you try... the harder you fall.

Why is it the more you love someone, the more your heart aches? Shouldn't loving someone else make your heart burst with joy, not your eyes with tears.

Is love like a game of golf?

You get 100 bad shots, but the one good one keeps your hopes up?

If your love does not line up with 1 Corinthians 13; do you not really love?

Does love leave you feeling rejected, leave you feeling like crawling up in a ball with that favorite stuffed animal and do nothing but sob because you feel so hurt.

Why is it the people that say thoes three little words we wait our whole lives to hear, hurt us with thoes three little words. What does it mean when someone says leave me alone, I love you?

What do you do when you need someone to put their arms around you and let you cry, and all you have is a Mogu man with arms long enough to reach around you?

I was reading my Exodus/Deuteronomy professors blog the other day and it had this quote...

Blessed are you who has given each man a shield of loneliness so that he cannot forget you. You are the truth of loneliness, and only your name addresses it. Strengthen my loneliness that I may be healed in your name, which is beyond all consolations that are uttered on this earth. Only in your name can I stand in the rush of time, only when this loneliness is yours can I lift my sins toward your mercy
- Leonard Cohen, Book of Mercy

I didn't understand it then, but suddenly, at this very minute, right here, under my blanket, with dried up tear ducts I understand.

Thankyou for giving me my shield. I love you.

Was It Not Good?

2005-10-27T12:11:00.000-07:00

The other day in my Exodus/Deuteronomy class we were talking about Genesis 1.

Through out this chapter God is creating the world and everything in it. Throughout the chapter, each day after he creats it, He says "it is good", or so I thought. I was reading it looking for where God says it is good in each section. I went through and I didn't see it on day 2 when he separates the sky from the water. I looked again, and again, and again. It isn't there. Why?

I asked my professor, he too looked, and looked, and looked.

I think it is something we all assumed but when you really look into it, it is not there.

Did God not think this was good?

Does it have something to do with Him reversing and destroying creation later with the water through the flood?

I don't know.

What do you think. I would love to explore this more and would love for you to explore with me!

Ok... I Saw it on Chaya's blog and I had to do it!

2005-10-21T16:00:00.000-07:00

cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed

What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Update

2005-10-12T00:14:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to let everyone know that I recieved a call from my mom about 2 hours ago telling me that my grandpa passed away tonight. Please continue to pray for my family as we go through this time. Thank you all so much for your prayers, they are so appericiated.

The Brick Testament

2005-10-11T09:58:00.000-07:00

A guy in my Exodus/Deuteronomy just gave us this link, check it out.

(click on the title)

Please Pray...

2005-10-10T10:33:00.000-07:00

I am just asking for everyone to pray for my family...

Thursday night my mom took my grandpa (whom has alzheimers and lives at my house with us) to the hospital because he was acting really sick and holding his side. They immediatley rushed him into surgury (I think they preformed a colonoscopy on him) and then determined he would need another surgury to survive (his bowel is completly twisted). Because of his alzheimers he is very paranoied, and as soon as everyone left his room after his first surgury he removed all of the IV and the other things he was connected to and tried to leave the hospital. The doctors have decided the surgury he needs would be too risky and then if he survived the surgury he would have to wear an external bag for the rest of his life (questionable as to how long that would be) and they are certain he would try and remove it. They are trying to get him moved to hospice in a hope to prolong his life if at all possible. I just got off the phone with my mom and she said Grandpa told her he was going to die today, and he is in too much pain to keep living.

Please pray for my mom, dad and little brother as they are by his side right now.

Please pray for a painless death for my grandpa.

Please pray for me, I am taking this really hard, not being able to be there because I am at school.

Please pray for Wes, that he will be able to be strong for me right now.

I will keep everyone updated.

Invisible Children

2005-10-06T23:45:00.000-07:00

Tonight here at APU we had a film screening for the documentary Invisible Children. I knew when I was walking into it that it was going to hit me in some way or another, just because I have always had such a passion for the entire African culture, and I knew that it was going to be tough for me to watch. This was a film that 3 guys from San Diego made. They decided to go to Uganda, where this mass geneside and child abduction has been taking place for the past 17 years. I don't want to give the whole thing away, because I think everyone should watch this powerful film. Each night hundreds of thousands of children travel to varandas where they can sleep so that they are safe from the Rebel forces in Uganda. Thousands of people croud into buildings in hope for a little safety. The reason they are trying to hide from the Rebel's is the rebel's abduct children about the ages of 5 to 16 and train (brainwash would be a much more appropriate term) them to do nothing but kill. To desensitizive them they made them watch the murder of other children and if they at all protested they would do the same thing to them. They are told to kill between 20 and 40 people a day. Their leader, who's name I cannot remember right now, is possessed by several demonic forces. Every morning he reads from the Bible to his abducted children, they mentioned Deuteronomy where it mentions standing up for our God even if it means killing. Supposidly he is trying to bring the 10 commandments back into Uganda (a little contradictory I would say). This is suppose to be the worst geneside ever, with to date 1.6 million whom have been displaced because of this.

I am asking you all to get involved. In whatever way you can. Please feel free to ask me more questions about it, I would love to offer any help that I can. I urge you all to buy this DVD, it is $20, but the money goes to helping these children, and it will open your eyes to a whole new world. I am still left speech-less from watching this video, I would almost guarentee you I will be posting more on this in the near future as I learn more. Please, help in any way you can.

Pray for these children, that people might see.

Ok another paper of mine, but thought you all might be interested...

2005-10-06T18:26:00.000-07:00

Until this past year or so the term worldview has always been a foreign one to me. I thought it was something to do with the world and nothing more than that. Since then, I have learned otherwise. I have learned that a worldview is much more than the way I look at the world around me, but also they way it makes me feel, and react.
If I had to stick a label on my worldview I would say I have a very post-modern worldview. As is the concept of worldview, this worldview for me is a relatively new concept, by new I mean in the past few years. Part of my post-modern worldview consists of the reluctance to place a label on everything. To me labeling everything and everyone only takes away from that person’s individualistic characteristics. I do believe that there is often a time and place for labeling people or things, however I just don’t think that time is all the time. For example, the term post-modern might be necessary to classify a certain way of thinking, however I do not want to be confined to thinking within the confides of what the definition of post-modernity is.
Evangelism is a term that sends a chill down my back. I hate what such a beautiful thing has become. It is more about the number of people that are saved than the people themselves. I just heard the other day about a large Christian clothing company whom has a tally chart in their back office to see how many “converts” they got in a week. This sickens me. When Jesus shared with people, he cared about them, not about how many dashes he has on his heavenly score board. On church bulletins where one might once have found a mission board spending allowance, we are finding number of converts. Even the term converts is so dehumanizing. In one of Rob Bell’s sermons he asked the question, “Are you loving with an agenda?” from what I can see, that is what evangelism has become. In Rob Bell’s NOOMA video Bullhorn, we see that this message of love and hope can so easily come across as hate and condemnation. People standing on the street corners yelling at those passing by about how they are going to burn in hell if they don’t convert right now is sending such a message of despair. Seeing things like this going on all around me has made me want to stop any prior form of evangelism I had, because I don’t want to be placed in this same classification as the man on the corner yelling into his bullhorn.
My views on what it means to have a personal relationship with Christ have also changed. Community is such an important part of my everyday life. I use to feel I had nowhere to go when I had a problem with the scriptures because it was my personal relationship with my personal lord and savior. I have since discovered the amazing gift of community. Knowing that the Bible is a communal book filled with pictures of healthy community gives me such a new hope that when I have a problem I can go somewhere and get help. I love how Grenz and Olson put it in their book Who Needs Theology? They mention that the theme of community is centrally biblical, centrally Christian, and it is also centrally contemporary. It is so comforting to know that something I am so passionate about is so right in so many ways.
There is much more to my worldview than what is shown here, but over the past few years these are the things that have changed most about my worldview. If it weren’t for this worldview I have I would not be here at APU and I would not have the opportunities I have. I have been blessed to learn that my worldview is so much more than the way I look at the world around me.

Check this out

2005-10-04T09:44:00.000-07:00

I just read this post on Mike's blog, I think you should all check it out. (Click on the title)

This is a paper I had to write, tell me what you think, I have till Tuesday!!!

2005-09-29T12:38:00.001-07:00

Modern, Post Modern… What’s the Difference???

“I’m scared. The kinds of things I’m thinking will surely be considered heresy. How many Christians do I know who could accept that there is a difference between “our version of Christianity” and any other version of Christianity that could possibly be “right”? Even harder to accept might be the idea that while the modern version was right (by “right”, of course I mean appropriate, not perfect) for five hundred years (just as the medieval version had been appropriate for a thousand years), the modern version might not be right for the next leg of the journey.” Dan from McLaren’s book, A New Kind of Christian (McLaren 26-27).
Writing similar to this might be found in the blog entry of an emergent seeker. Only really coming into plain vision in the past ten to twenty years, post-modernity in the church is a new concept all around. A clear definition of what it is, still cannot be pin pointed, although there are some common trends that can be found among emergent seekers. People find themselves being more of a seeker and follower than a devout member. Many are not sure if they are finding something new, or simply embracing something old. Questions are more predominant than answers. Fellowship and community are more important than individual time and study. Reading and discussing is more favorable than just sitting back and listening. All of these practices are such a relatively new concept and idea coming with the new ideas of the post-modern church movement.
Many people tend to think that the prefix post means after, meaning that the post-modern church is simply coming after the modern church, causing many to ask why it must be this way. However in one of McLaren’s lectures, we are told that the prefix “post” means “emerging from, being rooted in, with both continuity and newness” (McLaren On-Line). This definition seems to conform so much better to the emergent church and everything they are striving for and pursuing. From this definition we can better see that the post-modern church is not pushing the modern church out off the stage, but more so coming from the modern church with newer and fresher ideas. This also helps us to see that the terms emergent and post-modern are essentially on in the same.
As people look at history, it is not hard to see that cultures have changed, theologies have changed, methodologies have changes, ideas have changed, the list could go on, the bottom line is that things change. Very little, if anything has remained exactly the same through out the ages. Take a look at this timeline. This timeline shows us different stages of society and how they have changed throughout the years. (McLaren 15)

2500 B.C. A.D. 500 A.D. 1500
Prehistory Ancient Medieval Modern
World World World

To most, a timeline like this is something similar to that which was probably seen in their third or fourth grade class in elementary school. We can clearly see that there is yet to be an era or a culture that has remained the same forever, the ancient lasting for a whopping two-thousand years, and the medieval lasting a thousand. It can be seen that the culture continues to change. Allow now for this diagram to be added to, with the post-modern era in place (McLaren 15).

2500 B.C. A.D. 500 A.D. 1500 A.D. 2000

Prehistory Ancient Medieval Modern Post-Modern
World World World World

The above timelines help to better illustrate what is happening in the current day and age, making it easier to understand that this is nothing that has never happened before.
Many people in the modern era feel that they know just about everything there is to know. They seem to always have the answer for the question. The case isn’t quite the same for the post-modern era. Suddenly questions are popping up everywhere, the urge to learn more is at an all time high. More and more people are submersing themselves in reading lists; they can’t seem to get enough. People want to know more, they want to try to find answers to their questions, only to find that they are confronted with even more questions.
Blogging is something you will most likely find every emergent seeker doing in their spare time. A blog is an online journal in which you can comment and dialogue with others about any given topic. Many authors are involved in the blog sphere, which include Brian McLaren, Scott McKnight, John Frye, Mike DeVries, and many more. A large amount of the emergent seekers blog their questions and concerns, which opens up for a more wide spread discussion with other seekers. There are people who post blog entries on a regular basis and rely on the comments form other bloggers to help them along the way, while others prefer to read any number of different blogs, in an attempt to catch a tidbit of knowledge to help them on their journey.
Discussions and conferences are happening all over the world. People are hungry to hear and discuss with other seekers in a hope to learn and gain a little more understanding. In Brian McLaren’s book A New Kind of Christian, there is almost a constant dialogue going on between the pastor Dan and his daughter’s schoolteacher Neo. This demonstrates how beneficial discussion and dialogue can be between various people. Another example of conversations going on in groups of people is the annual TEAM Conference at Azusa Pacific University. Each summer close to two hundred high school juniors and seniors, along with their college aged small group leaders, embark on a nine-day journey filled with group discussions and seminars that allow for them to interact and discuss the topics with one another. This conference itself shows what important life change can take place through discussion and dialogue.
Throughout the New Testament we see Jesus spending so much time and pouring into his disciples. Community is also an important aspect of post-modernity. People are forming groups all over. Whether it is a d-group at school, or a community group at church, people are spending time with their community in fellowship and study like never before. The thought that one is not alone is so appealing to so many. In the past many have turned from the church because they were told it all had to be personal and individual all the time, and it was just too over whelming to them. Now with so many smaller groups that are so important, people can go to their group and ask questions. They can feel comfortable not agreeing with someone and discussing it openly with their group. So many are embracing community and striving to be like Jesus and his disciples.
“I am learning that what seems brand new is often the discovery of something that’s been there all along.” (Bell 14). Seekers everywhere are astonished to find that with this post-modernity they are not necessarily finding new ways of going about their life, but more so ways that have always been there, and might just have a little dust on them. With the post-modern movement, a new fascination with Jewish culture has arisen. When someone thinks they found a great new idea, or a wonderful new way of going about doing something they are more than likely to find it or something like it somewhere in Jewish culture. Even with the previously made mention of Jesus with his disciples, people for many, many years thought they had to have an individual personal relationship. Something that might be worth looking into: nowhere in the Bible does it make mention of a personal relationship with God. However, it does make many references to community. In the Lords prayer for example, “Our father who art in heaven… give us this day, our daily bread, forgive our debts as we forgive those whom trespass against us, lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil…” This is indeed a communal prayer. Looking back into more Jewish culture, the suppers they had were done in large groups. For example, The Last Supper. If you look into the specifics of such a supper you find that they all shared the same cup, the same bread, the same just about everything! They had communal meals. This idea of community is nothing new, but something that has been “pushed” aside for several years, it just needed to be picked up and dusted off.
“Again that word - real – and again this feeling that the spark I sensed in you has begun to glow in me. I can’t tell you how good I feel about what I am becoming, thanks to you. Thanks my friend. I thank God for you.” Dan to Neo in A New Kind of Christian (McLaren 140). How much more beautifully can the journey of a post-modern seeker be summarized!

Works Cited
Bell, Rob. Velvet Elvis: Repainting the Christian Faith. Michigan: Zondervan 2005.
McLaren, Brian. A New Kind of Christian. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2001.
McLaren, Brain. A New Kind of Christian Website. 2005. 24 September 2005. .

Happy Anniversary!!

2005-09-27T23:54:00.000-07:00

Today was Wes and my 3 year anniversary!!! (no not wedding, dating, but still!!)

I have learned so much from him over the past 3, he has taught me so much about myself and life in general. He has been so much more than a boyfriend, he has been a best friend!

Well I know he is roling his eyes thinking, why the heck is she doing this, so I will stop.

Happy Anniversary Wes! I love you!

How Great Is Our God!

2005-09-23T10:17:00.000-07:00

A few nights ago, Wednesday night in 9/11 chapel to be more exact, we were singing the song, How Great is Our God. As I looked around the room I was absoutley captivated. i don't know what it was but something really spoke to me. There was such an emmense love and passion flowing all around me for this loving God. It was truly amazing. I have never been a huge advocate of talking about how some individuals responded to worship, but it was so amazing to me, I want to just highlight a few things.

Anyone who has been to an APU chapel on East campus knows that the way the seating is makes it possible to be facing someone opposite you. There were three guys who were facing me during chapel, there was something about their faces, you knew they were in love with this amazing and captivating God whom had changed their lives. it wasn't that they were jumping up and down and riasing their hands, but just their faces showed more than you normally see. A good friend of mine once said, if you are so in love with this God and you are so excited about him, inform your face! These 3 guys had informed their faces!

The music talent was incredible, Jason, the lead guitarist and vocalist has a beautiful voice, but at one point there were just playing the music, no vocals, and it was so amazing. It was one of thoes times when you could just listen and the peace you felt and experienced was incredible. It was truly remarkable.

I was sitting with my best friend in the world, along with my other very close friends. At one point I glanced over and saw one of my frineds and you could just see how in love he was, how in love with this amazing God he was. In the same glance I saw another friend of mine, she had been going through a lot of changes the past week or two, and you could see how free she was during this time. Another friend just had this excitement about the way he was living, in every aspect of his life he was always so excited and anxious to talk about life, it was so beautiful. Finally, just being there, with my best frined in the world, sitting right next to me, just makes me feel so loved.

I hate to be another whom just sits around quoting Rob Bell all day, but at one point in his book Velvet Elvis he was talking about how he often sits there in his back yard with his kids and says something along the lines of, "I cannot believe I get to live this life."

At that monent a few nights ago, I sat there and I thought to myself, "I can't believe I get to live this life!" How fortunate am I to have these amazing friends, amazing times and an AMAZING GOD!!!

What is Ministry?

2005-09-14T15:12:00.000-07:00

The past two class sessions from my Foundations of Ministry class have been rather interesting to say the least. This past more so than any. This morning my prof started class off with reading an excerpt from a book (one of which I missed the title) about an evangelist or pastor who from some serries of events ended up going to a strip club to evangalise (at least that it what I remember the secanario being). Anyways, it turns out the lady he ended up talking to was one of the strippers and ended up giving her life to Christ. It went on to say that she begged him to stay and watch her dance, I cannot recall what his final decision was, but it got a "great" discussion going in the class.

His first discussion questions were, was Jesus there at the strip club and the second being is this considered ministry. At least everyone that I was aware of agreed that Jesus was in fact there.

As to if it was ministry I cannot say everyone agreed.

Everything everyone was begining to say just frustrated me. There were coments such as...
- Someone might look at you and think you are a hypocrite...
- We have to be above reproach...
- That cannot be considered evangelism.
- What would Jesus do? (except what they answered, I don't think Jesus would do)
- You might loose credibility...

Now yeah all these things might potentially happen, but my response only seemed to make people a little more angry. I said that in my opinion all of the religious leaders didn't hate Jesus because he played it safe and sat there and watched the world fall all around him, they all hated Jesus because he was going against the norm. Jesus didn't sit there reading his bible and praying all day long, he was proactive, he went out and did something for the world.

Our professor askes us if the man going into the strip club and witnessing was ministry.

My opinion.

Yes.

Jesus didn't call us to sit in the corner wondering what we could do to better our own personal life.

Kinda selfish sounding if you ask me.

A verse I have heard used so many times and so often misused, but none the less, the great commission, go therefore and make disciples of all the nations.

Key word... GO!!!

May we go. May we be people who minister, no matter where it is that we go.

Go.........
Go........
Go.......
GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Books, Books, Books

2005-09-08T19:32:00.000-07:00

I have now attened one session of each of my 7 classes. I must add that I am having to read more than I have ever read in my entrie high school career. I just wanted to let everyone know a little of what is on my book shelf right now.

Public Communication:
I read the first chapter of a book called Public Speaking. It was mostly the history behind communication. It was actually kind of interesting, it talked a lot about Aristotle, which for someone who has never heard much about that, I was entertained.

Foundations of Ministry:
Nothing yet! Well my 14 page class sylabus, but hey that's a walk in the park.

Arobics:
Fit & Well - I kinda had to skim through the first section.

Freshman Writing Seminar:
These Strange Ashes by Elizabeth Elliot I have to read this whole book by Thursday and write a 2 page paper on it. It is the story of the first year of Elizabeth's missionary work. I started this afternoon after class and I am 11 chapters into it, so I have 9 to go. It is interesting, when I am all done, I might post my paper on here.

Axelrod & Cooper's Concise Guide to Writing: I have had to read the first chapeter on why we write and on reading will help you right. (I really hope my prof doesn't find her way here, b/c I way butchered that whole thing, lol)

Exodus/Deuteronomy:
The New Oxford Annotated Bible I have to read all of Exodus by Tuesday. I think that says it all.

Health Education:
Nothing so far! Except a cool football coach that only held class for 15 minutes, :)

So thats whats on my book shelf/desk right now!

First Day of School

2005-09-07T14:49:00.000-07:00

So today was my first day of class here at APU. I started out the day with an 8:20 Public Communication class. It was ok, we went around the room and shared a little about ourselves then the prof talked a little about public speaking and the history behind it. I am sure it will get much more interesting once we all start sctually giving speeches. Then I thought I scored by hoping on the trolly to go to west campus, only to find traffic way backed up, it took me 25 minutes to ride the trolly over a 10 minute walk, oh well. We then had chapel where I met up with Wes. Talk about nose bleed section. It was the community chapel so everyone was there. Jon Wallas, the universities president (whose house might I add that I had dinner at the other night, score!) shared a little bit about a strong Christian community. It was neat. Then I took a short walk to my Foundations of Ministry class. It wasn't quite what I expected. We just went around the room and shared our name and an interesting fact about ourselves. I know it will get better! I then made the walk, (I beat both trollies) back to east campus and joined Wes, Danny and Ryan for lunch at the Cougars Den. Then I went to make an appeal for a parking ticket that I supposidly recieved at 4:00 AM this morning, (does Campus Safety really have no life???) then to Undergraduate Admissions to turn in my ambassador program application, then made it to the library to join Wes and Danny to do some homework, blah. Now I am in Wes' mod blogging and watching Gods and Generals. In an hour I will be off to arobics.

I know it gets boring when people sit and talk about their days, but I thought maybe someone somewhere might be interested!

God is more than Academics

2005-09-06T20:22:00.000-07:00

Today we had our last day of the traditional every new student has to spend hours listening to the important people about all of the important rules, but it wasn't all horrible. After the brutialy boring parts of the first session we had to go to a department specific meeting. As I wondered through the halls of the Darling and Duke academic complex with Alison I found a group of other theology students searching for the lecture hall. Come to find out the theology department wasn't expecting us until 1:00 and it was 10:00 AM, so they decided well hey since they are all here we might as well talk to them now. It was nice, I learned a lot. Not even so much about my major and department, but they gave us a lot of insight for important things to help us do well. I was thinking on posting on more later, I will let you know how things go. Anyways, at the end of the session we had a time when we could ask questions. There was the usual, what classes should I take, where do I go, what do I do, but there was one guy that really stood out from the rest of the questions.

He expressed his concern for an issue with his faith. He voiced his concern to the profs about how he was worried that he didn't want his faith to become something that made him think of God as nothing more than an academic idea, because he knew he was going to be challenged and stretched with this all so much over the next few years. He was telling how he didn't want his relationship with Christ to become nothing more than an academic concept. He wanted the profs opinions on how they would recomend approaching this idea.

Steve Gerali, one of the profs, I feel horrible, I don't remember all of his cridentals right now, but I am pretty sure he has 2 PhD's. (I don't want to miss giving credit to a future professor of mine, just in case he is in this blog sphere, lol) Anyways... jumped on the question. He did a great job of addressing the issue. He made it so clear that it is a personal issue of the heart. He told us about how that this is something there is no formula for and how that we must all deal with it in our hearts and how every person is different. There was a lot more he talked about but that was several sleep deprived hours ago.

What has really stood out to me in my mind though during this time is how much of a struggle that is for evey single one of us. How many times do we get to the point God seems to be nothing more than an idea we just learn about. It is so crutial that we remember that God is so much more than an idea. I know for myself I so often let my mind get going so fast that I forget that. Check out Wes' latest post, God Loves a "Worship Service". He touches on some sweet ideas.

Anyways, thats whats been on my mind today.

Trusting in God

2005-09-06T00:31:00.000-07:00

A little over a week ago I moved into my dorm here at APU. It has been an amazing time, I am loving it, for the most past. I was able to move in a week before the actual student move in day, which was really nice, it gave me the chance to get all of my stuff moved in and miss the whole business of move in day. My roommate Alison also moved in that day because she is in the Bel Canto chior, we didn't get to spend much time together during the days because she had chior camp, but the nights were fun, we either went over to Wes' mod and hung out or we stayed up late talking. We had such a great time. Then this past Saturday my other roommate Emily moved in. She is nice, I really enjoy her company. It has been a little challenging with next to zero room to put anything. I am use to having my own room which is very large, now I am forced to live in an area about half the size of my own room with two other girls. Needless to say, it has been a challenge. I have been spending the majority of my time over with Wes, which has been really nice, despite the regular relationship issues, (no for the record a relationship is not a box of chocolates, hehehe) it is the most relaxing and refreshing place for me to be. Knowing that I have someone here that I can be 100% myself with and that I can be open with it so amazing, i love it. We start classes tomorrow, so please pray for me that I will make it through my first day of college classes!! Anyways, you are all probably wondering if I am going to do anything other than sit here and talk about my first few weeks here at APU, well that was part of my original plan, but I am also planning on trying to give us all a little more food for thought to chew on.

I have been trying to keep up with Wes' constant bloggin, and I must say I am doing a pretty good job of doing so. I have been blown away with some of the wisdom he has. He never ceases to amaze me. But I have been learning to much and thinking so much about what he has been posting on. Then this whole think with the hurricane in Louisania has had me thinking. There is so much being said about it, there is so many people giving their opinions as to why it has happend. I worry about myself... I am thinking this much and school hasn't even started yet, lol.

One thing that has been standing out to me so much is how much God loves us. And how so many times although we cannot see and or understand what we are going through, or what the world around us is going through, some how and some way God is in control. I know right now I do not understand why I am in this really crowded room with 2 other girls, I know God knows. I know that someday down the road I will look back and be so thankful that I had this time. As to why these things are going on is Louisania, I know that some how through this wold thing, God is going to work.

There is a time for everything. He tells us there is. I know I don't understand all of this. And I might never recoginize some form of understanding. But I do know that God has his and around my shoulder, he is more than an idea, he is a personal being who is crazy about me.

To me it is so important that we never forget Gods role in our lives. I know it is different in each one of our lives, but none the less it is there.

May we not necessairly be people of understanding, but people of questions. I remember a little while back Wes posted on how questioning can be the sweetest language between us and God. When we were at the TEAM conference we did a service project day in downtown LA and we worked with the Dream Center. One of the guys we were working with was telling me how he didn't want to be Christian right now, but he was still figuring things out and how he just didn't seem to think he could ever figur everything out. I felt like telling him that I thought he had it more figured out than any of us. To be questioning is such a beautiful thing.

I know I have gone a thousand different rabbit trails during the duration of this blog post, but I feel that it is all so important to me right now. I promise I will try and post more agian now. I will see you all again soon!

Where have I been???

2005-08-25T14:04:00.000-07:00

Ok, I am guilty, I have not blogged in ages, but I have been so busy! There are so many things I go to, hear about and see that I say I am going to blog that, and then I never quite get around to it. Since it has been so long, let me bring you up to speed as to what I have been up to...

I know Wes mentioned it, but him and I were able to attend the Jewish Cabad Center in Mission Viejo and listed to Rabbi Zalman Marcus. Wow! I learned so much! One of the things I found most ineresting was really what the Jewish perspective of heaven and hell really is. Check out Mike's blog for some more thoughts about the whole thing. I was so impressed by all of the things that the Jew's believe. I left with so many questions. Some of the things I was wondering about during that time kinda worried me when the Rabbi gave what the Jews believe. It didn't help that I kind of forgot that we were Christians listening to a Jewish perspective. When we left I asked Wes a few of my questions and he answered with "Ashley, remember we do believe in Jesus" Duh! Anyways, I make myslef laugh at myself at times.

I also know you have all heard Wes talking about it, but I will give you some of my thoughts about the Indonesian Evangelical Church Summer Camp that Wes and I spoke at. On Sunday, the day before we went to listen to Rabbi Marcus I recieved an e-mail form Robin Dugall asking me what Wes and I were doing that week and that because of his wife' heart problem (they thought she had a heart attack, but she is doing much better, read Robin's post on it) that he wasn't going to be able to speak at this retreat he was scheduled to speak at, and he was wondering if we would be interested in taking his place for the week. (Which in itself is funny, given that one of Wes' goals in life is to talk Robin's job, although I think he might need to specify next time if he is talking about the YLI position or his whole job, lol) Anyways I sent an e-mail back saying we were free, but could we get some more information... Well next I know we are committed. How that happened I am still in the dark.

That monday as we were waiting for Mike to meet us for dinner prior to hearing Rabbi Marcus Wes got a voicemail from the chair of the camp asking how to spell my first and last name and if Wes would prefer to go by Pastor or Evangelist. Did they at all know who they had comming??? So he called them back and said you guys do know I am just a sophmore student at APU, and Robin is kind of a mentor to me? Well no matter what they thought it was kind of late at this point. Oh another funny thing was that they wanted to let us know that their pastor requested that we have seperate tents and was hoping that would be ok, well needless to say we chuckled at that one too.

Well about 1:00 pm on Wednesday (yes just 2 days later) I showed up to Wes' with 2 huge Alaskan Mocha's (i kinda said screw my diet for that day it was too crazy) I had to wait a little while while he finished sermon #4 and then we started our journey from home to the Malibu Creek State Park, which besided the overload of hornets and gnats, is a beautiful park for camping, and is only 8 miles from the beaches of Malibu. About 4.5 hours later we arrived at the camp ground, we were nervous to say the least.

That night we enjoyed some delicious orange chicken, some games and then meeting some people and then went to bed.

The next morning we woke up and had fried rice for breakfast, it was delicious! It was the first time Wes and I had ever eaten rice for breakfast. I made a comment to Wes, no matter Asians are all so thin all they eat is rice. Anyways there was some small group activities and then a large group game followed with some praise music and Wes' first sermon. He did great!! He spoke about Tshuva. I think a few might have been lost at the word, but so many people really grabbed onto it. It was awsome! After a short break we had lunch. Remember my previous coment about them being so thin from eating so much rice, well I take that back and now say how the heck to they stay so thin all they do is eat. For lunch we had the most delicious chicken chow mein I have ever had, along with cheese burgers.But it didn't stop with that, we did not stop eating between lunch and dinner. And not because we didn't want to stop. We must have said no thank you, we are soooo full so many times, but the plates kept comming. Watermelon, mango, chips, more chow mein, some sort of trail mix, marshmellows, I know there was more I just can't remember. And then there was dinner!!! I don't even remember, oh some sort of soup. Then after all that eating there was another worship set and Wes shared again, again amazing, he posted on this one, check it out. We went to bed right after this, we were so full.

The next day was pretty much the same, but with eggs and sausage for breakfast, and during the previous days eating adventure we went to the beach. It was nice to get away and relax. Wes shared 2 more amazing sermons with the group that day. Their assistant pastor gave a salvation invitation after Wes' evening sermon, it wasn't bad, if you know what I mean, I'm sure Wes will post more on it later. We went to sleep after that too, eating so much really wears you out!!! Oh yeah, we learned how to play Maffia, I'm not sure if any of you have ever played, it was fun though!

The last day I shared, it was an interactive review if you will. It was fun everyone was laughing. I went over everything Wes had talked about and shared an excerpt from The Call, produced my Roch Harbor church and one from Rob Bell's book Velvet Elvis. I think it penetrated through a few minds. Afterwards the insisted Wes and I get in the group picture, and as if Wes doesn't stand out enough as it is in pictures, lets make him and I the only white people in the picture (remember it was the Indonesian Evangelical Church) and put us in the center of the front row, we are still laughing about it. I have some pictures I will post when I am at home.

I had 3 days off, now I am at Wes' aunt and uncles house, dog/cat/house sitting. I am here until tomorrow. Tomorrow I go home and pack my car, Wes' car and my dad's car, because Saturday we leave for school. I am so excited!!! Feeling behind, but excited. Being gone for 3 days then leaving for a year, yeah crazy to say the least. So that is where I am at right now. I will post more when I get to school. For now, pray for me that I don't loose my mind, but I will have more coming soon!!!

The Fantastic Four

2005-08-12T01:26:00.000-07:00

No, this is not a movie review, but more a life review.

I just finished reading the latest blog post of my best friend in the world, Janette. As I finished reading it I found my self with tears running down my face. In the course of 3 or 4 short weeks our lives have been totally flipped around.

Allow me to give some background. Wes and I have been together for 2 years and 11 months. Jesse and Janette have been together for 2 years and 5 months (correct me if I am wrong). Wes and Jesse have been friends for who knows how long. I have known Janette for about 6 years. When Jesse told Wes that he was going out with Janette and Wes told me I told Wes I though it was a bad idea because Janette was quite against Christianity. (thats another story for another day, I'll let her fill you in there if she so desires). After Janette "got saved" (gosh I hate that term but its 1:34 am, and I must say at least 1/2 my brain cells have been alseep for some time now) at the Billy Graham crusade we slowly started hanging around together more. When Wes and Jesse were on the same football team it was even more often. Now it is to the point we are together every day.

(sorry if I lost you on that one)

Now we are at what seems to be a fork in the road and we are all going different directions. Jesse left for APU this past monday, he will be on the football team. Janette leaves this coming monday for Biola and then Wes and I leave the saturday after next for APU.

As I read Janette's blog she refered to us as the fantastic four. That is what we are.

We go everywhere together, do everything together, have each other on speed dial, besides sleeping at 4 different houses we practally live, well lived together.

Everything is changing now. We are all having to grow up. I know for me I am so scared. Wes has been gone a year at school. We went from spending every minute of every day together, to spending every minute of every day away from each other, now with him back for the summer, besides work, we are always together, I love it that way. But I am terrified to go school. He already has his friends, his routien, his life there is already established. Now I am coming in. I don't know his friends, his routien, his life. I feel as though he had a year without a girlfriend, he always talks about how much he cannot wait to go back to school, I know its not because I wasn't at school and he wants that again, but I can't help but have that worry in the back of my mind. I am afraid of the rejection that might happen. I am afraid that I will show up at his dorm and he won't be there because he went out with all of "his" friends, or that I will show up and all of his friends will be there and when I walk in I will get thoes stares that cut straight through you, the ones like, who is she?? What is she doing here? I don't want this. I am terrified of this happening. What do I do if it does?? Run and cry? Thats what I feel like doing just thinking about it. I feel as though everything is changing, at least the most important person in my life is coming with me, but will that change too?? I don't know if I can tolerate that much change. I am scared to have to face that.

That is just what I am dealing with. We all have fears about what is happening. Read Janette's post on Your Order: a regular order of doubt, would you like to biggie size that for ony a spaz attack more?

Well that wasn't the point I was trying to get to...

We have had such a strong community. Wes blogged about when Jesse taught on it. When any of us need anything, we can go to the others and know they are there for us, regardless.

Tonight I really realized how important these other 3 people are to me. There is somthing about The Fantastic Four that makes me choke up. Not all saddness, but excitement and joy and anticipation for the future.

If you would please pray for all of us; Jesse, Janette, Wes and myself. That we would embrace this time in our lives, enjoy it to the max. Live like the Christ followers we are called to be, celebrating.

Jesus called us to celebrate, look at all of the reasons he as given us to celebrate. He has provided us with amazing friends. He has provided us to go to amazing schools, schools that are so close so we can always visit. He has provided us with the breath of life. We have no reason in the world not to celebrate.

I guess my challenge to all of you, regardless of who you are, where you are from, where you are headded, is to find a few friends, another couple, a group of girls, a group your boys, make another fantastic four, five, two, whatever it takes. Jesus has shown us how to live in community, but thats another post for another day. He has given us so much, run with it. Celebrate your community.

May we be like Jesus. May we live in community. May we live a life of celebration!!!

Creatures of Habit

2005-08-02T14:51:00.000-07:00

May I start out by apoligizing for my "venting" the other night. I took a night off from going and visiting with her and spent some time with Wes and our 2 best friends. We put together a BBQ, blogged, watched Dodgeball and talked about school.

This morning when I was in the shower and driving on my way to work I started thinking about the saying "We are creatures of habit" I have always thought this was a hokey saying and never thought much of it though. The more I thought about it the more I thought it to be true.

As I was thinking about this I also started thinking about out sin nature. We were created good, we just have a sin nature. I was reading a dicussion blog through the Youth Leadership Institute on this. One thing they mentioned was that sin is a choice not to follow God. I thought this was very interesting. (not my point though)

I guess what really got me thinking about all of this is when we sin so many times when we are conscience of it, often we make a decision to stop "sinning" in that way. But then why is it we so often make the decision to sin, doing the exact thing over and over again???

One thing Wes brought up at a Bible study about a year or so ago was that when we sin we become numb to the consequences and hurts and pain of that particular sin.

I think one of the most obvious examples of this being true is pre-marital sex in our culture. Being in the age bracket of 18-25 I see what a predominate struggle, (or not) it is in our culture. The first time one feels so guilty about it. But for some reason it seems so much easier to happen again. Over time it gets to the point where it is just something one does. In so many cases the only thing that changes this is something happening, which often times is so painful, almost always emotionally and sometimes physically. None the less, one if not both parties become numb to the pain experienced by this.

This seems to tie into the whole creatures of habit notion I had in the beginning. We get so use to sin that we continue on with it in our life. We get in the habit of doing whatever it is we are doing that we become numb to the consequences of what we are doing.

How do we break these habits?? I am still struggling with my own, and am trying to find an answer. I am not sure exactally what to do although I am pretty sure it has something to do with STOP TRYING TO FIX MY OWN LIFE!!!! How long has God been yelling at me to stop and remember who can't run my own life and to let Him help me out a little. After all he did make my life.

When I was in high school my youth pastors wife once shared with us that sheep have been known to bang their heads against a tree until they die, simply because they have a gnat in their ear. They fail to realize that what they are doing can kill them, because of a small little something in their lives. I wonder how many times we as humans beat our heads against a tree until we "die" because of something little in our lives that cause us to do something really stupid in our lives.

We may be creatures of habit, but may we find ways to break the hurtful habits in our lives.

Ugg...

2005-07-31T23:30:00.000-07:00

This past week has been one of the most challenging weeks of my life. Let me apoligize in advance for my venting that is about to take place, but I am geting so frustrated and I feel like I am about to explode.

A week ago I posted about a girl that was coming to live with one of my friends for the week because she needed a place to stay and how I was feeling about the whole situation. She was suppose to leave on Friday, but because of various situations she is staying longer, possibly up to 4 months longer.

It seems like it wasn't that bad, well up until the arrangements for her to stay longer were made. Read Wes' latest post, she has been lying... she has been telling everyone at her work all about what is going on at that house and stretching the truth... she has been rude to the family she is staying with, they had family in from clear across the US and she was talking about how much she disliked them behind their backs... she is sooooo loud, she never stops talking, singing, yelling, I feel like I have a constant headache.

I feel bad, she has never had a family she could call her own and she has never really had anyone teach her how to behave, so I can't say she knows and just isn't doing anything, but these things are driving me crazy.

I feel like I have lost my boyfriend... for about the past month I can't remember the last time Wes and I got to go someplace together or just hang out without being surrounded by anyone and everyone. From 2 days before the TEAM conference we had people all around to coming home the next day to this whole situation. Call me a whiner, but when I get next to zero attention from Wes without having 100 people all around, I just feel as through he is not in the leat bit attracted to me. I mean I went to cuddle with him today and he told me to sit up and move because, well I don't know why. I have been feeling as though I get more attention from his best friend than from him.

Now I know he is not doing this despite me, but it doesn't seem to change the hurt and rejection I feel from him. I feel bad that I feel this way. Man that's another peoblem of mine. I feel bad for feeling a certain way and then I can't help but feel worse.

I am sorry to all of blogger friends that might have been hoping to come across something deep, but I feel like I am loosing it.

Tonight I had to give my best friend a ride home, she was probably excited to tell me all about her shoping for dorm room stuff endeavors but instead I vented the whole way home about my feeling like I am about to explode. And of course I felt bad about that.

Now that I have made myself sound like a heartless jerk, I must say I feel better, I feel like I had a huge weight lifted off my chest. I am still going to ask for you to pray for me, and her.

I have to work 45 hours this week, so I am sure I will be posting again soon. Thank you all for your support. Now if you think I sound like a heartless jerk that needs to change, please let me know. But please pray for me that I don't explode.

What would I do with out my blogger land???

An Inspiration

2005-07-25T23:27:00.000-07:00

The more I look around me in this world, the more I realize how completly sheltered and ignorant the American culture is.

I am sure many of you read the post on Wes' blog about Darfur, if not please find the post on his blog titled Darfur. This is an example of how much we don't know about what is going on in the world around us. One thing that really gets to me though is that we fail to see the hurt, broken and poor right in front of our eyes. These people don't just live in the Suddan they live in our neighborhoods our towns, our houses.

I have been very fortunate in my life. I have grown up in a home with my parents whom have been married for nearly 35 years (this coming November will be their 35th anniversary). I have always had a roof over my head and food on the table. I have never been in need. When I was young my parents took us (my younger brother and myself) to church, a large Methodist church near to our home. Nither my brother or I was ever crazy about this and soon after enough temper tantrums sunday mornings my parents stopped going. When I was going into my 7th grade year in school we moved towns. I had a very tough time making friends, my shyness didn't help much at all. In the 8th grade I started hanging out with a few people from some of my classes whom all went to church. I had quite the "crush" on one of the boys. I thought everyone went to the same church and when one of the girls invited me I was not hesistant to accept the invitation. I went to church that night only to find it was not the church this boy attended but that night I "got saved". I attended that same church and still go on occasions. This church was quite the fundamentalist church and very by the book. I was a student leader and was always the first to sign up for church activities. At the end of my freshmen year in high school I had a meeting to attend for perspective leaders for the following school year for our christian club at school. Wes was at this meeting. We started talking a bit. Nothing really happened until the following year when he asked me to the homecoming dance. Long story short (another day for another post:) we started dating. Wes often talked about how he wanted to attend Azusa Pacific University. The summer after my sophmore year Wes was out of town at a camp and I was at work and went onto the APU web page. There was a link for the YLI TEAM conference. Another long story short, we went and it totally changed the way I look at life, especially my relationship with God. My entire way of thinking was turned upside down and shaken. I must say it has completly changed my life. Some might call me a "recovering fundamentalist". It has introduced me to new ways of thinking, blogging and so much more.

Why am I posting this...

1. Flip asked (I hope I answered your questions!)
2. Continue reading

This past Sunday, day before yesterday I was just having one of the worst days ever. I had house sat for the lady who lives across the street from me and he dog got out right when I was leaving for church and I had to spend 20 minuted chasing the thing around he 3 acre front yard and then down the road, making me late. I then open my car to find my cell phone in 2 pieces totally broken. So I continue on to church not in the best mood of my life to my Sunday school class (I teach 5th and 6th grade sunday school) only to have a student who pushed one of the girls, stole the others stuffed animal, cussed at me, and so much more. Then I walked out to find someone and I saw a girl I had gone to school with standing with a friends parents. I got a feeling that something was not completly right. This girl I had known to be in a group home (for what I assumed was drugs or something serious) I remembered a time when she reaked a cigarette smoke, another time she called me and sounded wasted asking if she could come and stay with me. I remember thinking it is not my fault that you messed your life up.

My friends mom pulled me asside and said that she might be staying with them and asked if I knew her at all. I told her what I just told you. A series of events that afternoon led up to the conclusion that she would stay at their house on the couch until Friday.

I must admit I was rather upset with the situation. But time went on. My friend's parents asked more questions and I found out more about her. She had been abused by her biological parents. She was then put into foster/adoptive care (not sure which) where she was abused. When she came age enough she was placed into various group homes where she was always moving around. She had been in situations where she has had a lesbian roommate who would come onto her. She tried to get kicked out of the group home (which might explain the cigarette smoke). There is so much that she has never had.

Tonight as I was driving home from this friends house I was saddened for many reasons. I thought this girl has probably never had the oppertunity to "drive home". When she went to church that sunday she didn't know if she would have a place to sleep that night. She doesn't have a place to call home. She doesn't have someone she can call family.

As I lay here in my bed right now I feel so many emotions. Anger that she has to have delt with this in her life. Anger that I was so cold in my initial reaction. Sad that she has never had the opportunities that I have had. Anxious that her life could be changed by this one event.

Tonight as I was driving home from my friends house I was aking myself. Why did I keep such a record of her wrongs? She told me some things a while back that caused me to hold them against her. God doesn't do that. Here I am teaching others about how we need to show Gods love to others when I can't even completly show it to someone who really needs someone to love her.

I am asking you all to please pray.
Pray for her, for guideance, acceptance and love. I don't know how or where she is headed, but God knows. Please pray for peace for her. Please pray for healing and forgiveness.
Pray for the family she is staying with. Pray that they would be filled with Christ's love. Pray they would have guideance to help her.
Please pray for me that I would love with the true love of Christ. That I would do all I can to help this girl out.

Thank you all so much for your support and prayers.

Lack of Inspiration

2005-07-22T12:42:00.000-07:00

For a few days now I have been trying to find something I can post on, but I must say I feel as though I have an extreme lack of inspiration!!! Someone inspire me! Maybe it is because of my lack of sleep my inspiration is at a loss also, anyways I want to post. I just don't know what to post on!!! HELP!!!!!!!!! :)

I Am Called and Gifted By God to Be A Difference Maker in My World for His Glory

2005-07-17T23:58:00.000-07:00

This is something that we had to memorize the very first TEAM conference 2 years ago. It had never left my mind.

Wes and I just got home from the TEAM conference last night. I must say I don't think I have ever felt so exhausted in my life! At the same time I don't think I have ever felt like it was so worth the exhaustion!

Wes and I were the leaders of the Orange light group this year. It was the most amazing experience I have ever experienced. Never before in my life have I had an experience where I felt to surely that this is what God wants me to do in my life as I did the past 10 days.

The TEAM conference is so amazing to me in so many ways.

For me, leaving was exciting. I knew that there was about 130 students that were going out to make a difference in the world. To be revolutionaries. Goodbyes were tough, especially that I had to say them a little sooner than I would have liked and missed a few I wanted because Wes and I took 5 people to the airport for their flights. But I was okay with it, the community is so strong that is built during the duration of this conference that there is not a doubt in my mind that I am going to be in contact with all of the amazing people I have known and have just met. The comunity is one of the most amazing things of this conference. I call the people I know from the conference on a regular basis, we are always in contact, we have reunions severl times each year, there is T2's which are mini conferences throughout the year. This isn't something you go home from and forget the people you met. For me this makes the goodbyes more like see ya soon's, which is much better!!

The knowledge you gain from these times are amazing. I cannot believe the ammount of information that was gained during this time. The speakers from the general sessions are incredible, along with the CALL (Christ, Action, Living, Learning) curriculum, Alumni and Staff tracks. Then there is the subject specific track times. There is still thigs from the first conference I am still sorting through in my mind as well as last years conference, I should start on this years soon, so until then read Wes' blog, lol.

The worship experiences are incredible. Graffiti Gate, which I already posted on is totally life changing. Harp 46 and then Dugall family worship band all blessed us with their talents.

One of these days I will get around to posting on some of the theological stuff, once my brain de-frags a little (for the wierd computer people such as myself). I will also add some pictures and some links to other bloggers soon. Thank you all for your prayers, they were so deeply appericiated.

GRAFITTI GATE

2005-07-13T11:59:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I stole the title of Wes' post, but I am going to talk about a totally different aspect of the night we had last night here at the TEAM conference. (by the way Wes just informed me he has a copyright on his title.)

Wes and I were what I guess you would call the greeters. We brought the students in and started them on their journey through the night. They would come only with their journals with a pen. We had them take off their shoes and procede into the foyer where they would read thorugh a thing called the journey. Everything past the doors we sent them through was candle lit with no other form of light.

When they were done they entered into the main room where they were able to get a cup of coffee or coco or tea. They then went to a table and sat with one of our adult leaders and they would light a candle and confess what they felt they needed to.

They then went to a station where they would look at photo's of people in bondage and then pictures of freedom. They just contimplated these photos.

The next station was one where they would write a covenant with God on newsprint by candel light.

Next, they entered the back room which was filled with worship music. As they walked in they walked past a wall that was covered with all of the names and lables the world gives us. These were no light names. They included; looser, gay, lesbian, failure, anorexic, fat, confused, lost, broken, worng, Jesus freak, alcoholic, druggie, fake, hypocrite, the list goes on and on. Let me add this one thing, about 75% of these names were added by people after the night begun. These are things the students felt about themselves. It was a strong emotional station. They then proceeded on to a foot washing station where the words "Look, behold I make all things new." It was so amazing for me to sit and wash about 6 peoples feet. There were people that you could tell had so much junk that was on this wall. To have the symbolism of washing it all away was beautiful.

Once you finished this station you could go to where the worship music was at. There was communion and pillows and chairs. This allowed everyone to worship in a way fit for them.

Finally they went and sat at the foot of a cross where people were waiting. They read their covenant to that person and then prayed with them.

Now I know what I wrote didn't sound that emotional, I did this intentionally. I know I could not use words that would give you the impact of what went on. I urge you to imagine what the ultimate emotional experience with God might be for you. I think that was the beauty of it all. You made it what it was. You determined if you were there for 30 minutes or 6 hours. It was between that person and God.

Peoples lives were changed. It was such a beautiful thing for me.

I think the power of this night hit me the hardest when Wes and I were still outside and one of the students in our group came up to me and embraced me stronger than anyone ever before. This person repeated to me over and over "Thank you, thank you, thank you." It brought me to tears. What had I done that had impacted this person so much? It was so humbling. It was as though I felt how much freedom this person had just experienced.

Where the spirit of the Lord is there is freedom.

Freedom reigns in this place. Showers of mercy and grace.

TEAM Day 5

2005-07-11T15:01:00.000-07:00

Wow, this week has been so crazy busy!!! I feel as though this is the first chance this week I have had to relax at all. We have an hour between things to do so I am taking advantage of it. I just finished with our second small group meeting. I think I opened up a can of worms of my Kingdom of Heaven stuff a little more than I had planned on. We were talking about "good" in the context of Genesis 1. I really had the girls thinking then one kept asking well do you think they will go to heaven over and over again. Then I had one person say to her heaven is the same thing as God. I had no intention of saying anything about Kingdom of Heaven although I felt the only way I could really get across what I was trying to say was to just say it all. Oh well, a few asked to talk to me more later. (Please pray for me!!) Nathan Barnes (http://plunge.mindsay.com) and Mike DeVries (www.awakening.typepad.com) have spoken since my last post. There have been some great talks. I know I have been short all week, but once I sort through more stuff I will post more detailed things. (My notes are a mess!!!) Thanks for all of the prayers!!

TEAM Day 2

2005-07-09T00:10:00.000-07:00

Today was great. Despite only about 5 hours of sleep it sure beat the 3 from the night before!! Today we started pretty early and had a staff worship time. I was great!! Following they had a staff solo time, finished set up and had lunch, although Wes and I missed thoes because we went to pick up a student from LAX (Los Angles Instenational Airport) it was a nightmare getting around thoes terminals!! Once we got Cole it wasn't too bad. When we got back registration was underway. Students stared coming from all around and we started getting to know them. We had dinner followed by orientation, a dodgeball tourney, and some more orientation. We followed with a brief break and then the first general session led by Mike DeVries (www.awakening.typepad.com) He started his lesson with the Rob Bell NOOMA video Bullhorn(www.nooma.com) I think it was a bold and great way to start. I will post some of my notes when I am not so physically exhausted. Then we finished up the night with some late night games, which went well. Well its 12:17 and I have to be up at 6:00 for our ropes course day tomorrow. Thank you all for your prayers!!! I will keep you as posted as possible!

TEAM Day 1

2005-07-07T22:59:00.000-07:00

Well I am now done with day 1 of the TEAM conference. Today was a staff training day. I am wat too tired so please forgive my poor grammer as well as my shortness. But in all honesty I am not so sure when I will next have the chance to post.

I finally got into bed about 12:00 last night and then I woke up at 3:20 am, I couldn't sleep. Then at 4:00 am I rolled out of bed and took a shower and Janette and I went got Krispy Kream doughnuts, then picked Wes, Caleb and Jesse up. We hit the road at 5:06 am. We finally arrived at APU at 7:06 am (wierd hu???)

All day we have been setting up, making things, and being trained.

Our first training time probably had the most significants to me. We talked about what submission ment. (I will elaborate later after I get some sleep) but we washed each others feet, as an act of submission. It was really cool (as well as the water used for my feet!!!) It was neat. I will tell you more about it later. I will keep you all posted!!

Please pray that I get a good night sleep tonight!!!

I'm Leaving on a Jet Plane, Don't know when I'll be back again

2005-07-05T16:14:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I'm leaving in my SUV packed to it's max with stuff, but on Thursday morning at 5:00 AM I will be leaving with Wes, Jesse, Janette and Caleb headed towards the Youth Leadership Institute TEAM conference. I will gone for 10 days. I will try to keep you all posted, as often as possible although with a 7:30am - at the earliest midnight schedule for 10 days, I don't know how often this will be taking place!

If you want to learn more about YLI check out www.yliapu.org or www.thecolony.youthsite.org Whichever one floats your boat. Or you can ask me any questions and I would be happy to answer them.

This will be the 3rd conference that YLI hosts and let me tell you, it has changed my life. It's not one of thoes where you get "on-fire" and then go home and it is all gone. This is something different. Something amazing. It sticks with you everywhere you go. You will never look at life the same.

Anyways, I am going on staff so my schedule will be even more crazy. I will do my best to keep you all posted.

If you pray, please pray for the conference, the staff, the students, the teachers, everyone, thanks.

Look foreward to bringing back some sweet stuff.

What do we pray for?

2005-07-02T11:54:00.000-07:00

The other day I was driving home from work and Wes' mom called me to let me know of a huge accident that was blocking Main Street, so I might want to take an alternate way home. She was telling me that Wes' step dad called her and was telling her that they had to have multiple life-flight out and also that we needed to pray for the person.

As I was driving home I saw 2 life-flight helicoptors fly over my head and I felt that I should pray. And as I started I felt wierd, is really the only way I can describe it. As I was praying, God please be with these people and please protect them in this frail state, I felt a sense of guilt. Do I really need to pray that God would be with these people? Isn't he already with them? I think I just felt that, that was what I was suppose to pray for, because that is what people normally prayed for in thoes situations.

I thought about it for a few minutes, to me it made so much more sense to pray that thoes people would know that He was with them. I also prayed that their families would know that there are people out there that do care, and that there are people that will be there for them if they need them.

To me it made so much more sense to pray for these things than to pray that the God whom never leaves us would not leave these people.

It was one of thoes things that stood out to me so much, I haven't really gotten it off my mind. Thought I would post something on it. What does everyone think??

Re: Missing the Point?

2005-06-30T15:30:00.000-07:00

This is what I started to post in response to Wes' latest post Missing the Point. (www.whateverisgood.blogspot.com) So I decided to post it here instead.

Re: Missing the Point

Anyways, on to the rest of your amazing post. I couldn't agree with you more with what you said in response to the question Mike asked us last year at the conference.

As I have heard so many people say, "The problem with you Christians is you only live with the hope of getting out of this live and into the next with you angelic wings and halo's, the problem with you Christians is that you don't seem to care about the pains of this world, you don't care that I have been through this or that, you just care what happens to me after I die."

Let me say, do Christians even care about that much. I think we need to be people who care about people here and now. We never heard Jesus say, "As soon as you die you will be all better." NO!! He reached out to people where they were at. He met them where they were.

I don't know about you. But when I hear the word Christian, I don't think of a noun, I think of it as an adjective. Its what our world has done with this word. I mean we have Christian music, Christian stores, Christian clothing, Christian books, Christian schools, and so many more "Christian things" When I think of what this word represents I am saddened by the fact so often it represents hypocracy, hurt, gossip and so much more.

On the other hand the name Disciple of Christ, reminds me of all of the characteristics that Wes described. "acceptance," "compassion," "beauty," "Love," "hope," "forgiveness," "openness," "joyfulness," "creativity," "passion," "goodness" To me this is what a Christian should be, but somewhere along the road it has changed.

May we be people that are Disciples of Christ, and not people that have a horrible lable.

The Thing Flip Wanted me to Fil Out

2005-06-28T14:46:00.000-07:00

So Flip said she would like me to fill this out, so I decided hey why not?!?

Three screen names I've had: biblechick2day; biblechick4him; todaysprincess2000

Three things you like about yourself: I'm understanding (in most cases), I am a good photographer, I make the BEST brownies in the world (even ask Wes, the man driven by food, and yes he will agree!!!)

Three things I don't like about myself: How lazy I can be at some times, that I sometimes never take time for myself and end up kicking me in the butt later, that I look too far ahead in life and not enough at the present time at hand

Three parts of my heritage: English, Scottish and American

Three Things that scare me: Being alone, the dark, spiders

Three of your everyday essentials: Wes, sleep and food

Three things you are wearing right now: I just got off work so... trousers, v-neck tank top and "the essentials" :)

Three of my favorite songs: Eye of the Tiger, I Don't Want to Miss a Thing, Somewhere North

Three things you look for in a relationship: Wes, Wes and Wes!!!

Two truths and a lie: I always play this as a game, so you have to guess what is the lie... I have run up and down the aisle of an air plane naked singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, I've love liver for dinner, and I have been with Wes for nearly 3 years.

Three things I can't do without: Wes, friends and Ice Cream

Three places you want to go on vacation: Israel, Hawaii and New Mexico

Three things you just can't do: jump high, run fast, stop talking when I am with friends

Three kids names: Jeremiah, Selah, Faith

Things you want to do before you die: make a difference in someone's life, give more to thoes who need it, have a family

Three celeb crushes: is Wes a celeb??? I guess if I had to pick, Will Smith, Ashton Kutcher and umm...

Three people you want to know these things about: Danny, Mia and Ryan

What is Church?

2005-06-22T10:20:00.000-07:00

What is Church? Or I guess the more appropriate question to ask might be what isn't Church?

Last night I was reading someone's blog and the hurt this person was expressing got me started thinking, and I couldn't help but think to myself, is this what Church does to people?

Allow me to tell a story Wes told me from whom I believe was Tony Campolo. As Tony was teaching at a pastors conference he began to tell about a peoson he heard of that had gone street evangelising and as he was out doing so he came across a prostitute and invited her to church, her response to the question was I already know what I do is wrong, I don't need to go some place to have it told to me and to be judged more than I already am being judged. Tony then responded to the group he was teaching to as "Thats shit!!" Now as I am sure many of you just thought, Tony responded with "I bet you are all more upset with what I just said than what the church is to this one woman whom is in need of help."

Is that what the Church has become? Has the church become a place where thoes whom are hurting most are afraid to go to for help? Has the church become a burden to people? That is NOT what Jesus intended for the church to be. Look in the Bible, everywhere in the Bible, prostitutes, murders, the demon possessed came to Jesus! They knew that he would heal them that he would offer them a hope they would not have otherwise recieved, this my friends is what I think the church should be doing. But for some reason the vison of the church has become blurred, polituted, corrupted, leaving the hurting dodging the church, leaving the church, cursing the church and so muuch more.

What has happened over the past 2,000 years that has caused people to run away from the church and not run to the church??

We call ourselves Christians, little-Christ is what I have most heard as a definition, how dare we give ourselves that title!!! The church is not a little Christ, the church does not open their arms to the hurting and oppressed, they close their hearts, it doesn't stop there, there is the gossip, the cold stares, the smirks, this my friends, is CRAP!!!

Allow me to apoligise, I know there are churches that do extend their hands to the hurting, that reach out in love, and I only pray that these sanctuaries can become what the church is.

I think that the church is so much more than a building we go to on Sunday mornings and one other night during the week. I believe the church is every where. I believe that the church is here in this string of blogs we all have going. I believe that the church is where we work, where we play. I believe church is when we are on the phone till 2:00 am with a hurting friend. I hate the English language, I think we need a different work for what takes place Sunday morning that what the church does. There has to be more to it.

I am sick and tired of hearing of God's precious children being rejected by the church, being hurt by the church, I am ready to go as far as to say, I think Jesus is sick of this same behavior.

Jesus didn't just die for the perfect and holy (in case you didn't know they don't exist) Jesus died for everyone! He didn't die so that people would be rejected, he died out of love.

May we be people whom reach out to the hurting, the broken, the whole, everyone out of love, not for our own benefit or our own glorification, but because we care about the other people. May we be more than a building and a place to go on Sunday mornigs. May we be a church that people come running to not running from.

Money Matter's

2005-06-19T16:48:00.000-07:00

I just finished listening to the latest study by Rob Bell at Mars Hill Bible Church (www.mhbcmi.og). I was very impressed with how he addressed the matters of money at their church, I guess the IRS said that he had to inform the cogregationan of their annual budget, and I guess with their 10,000+ member cingregation they were getting on average $558 per week. I highly recommend all pastors listen to how Rob Bell addressed the matters to his church. I was just thinking about how important it is that we give to our churches, not so they can pay their staff more, but so that they can give to thoes whom need it more. I was thinking about it and I know if I needed something I would go to the church before I went to someone else, and I think most people would do the same. So when I thought about it, how is a church suppose to help someone when they don't have the resources? I know it has always been one of the first things I do when I get my paycheck to write a check for 10% to my church, and hearing this sermon just made me feel refreshed about what I do. I am not saying we all need to start giving 10% to our churches, but I think we should all re-think about giving. I just thought it was a good thought to think about. Check out the sermon, you can download the MP3 file for free from the website. Check it out. Tell me what you think.

Crazy Day

2005-06-18T19:31:00.000-07:00

I promise I will get back to deep blogging as soon as my life settles down a little. Today I had my graduation party and to start the day out our refrigerator totally died and we had to run to Sears and buy a new one. For my 2:00 party, we finished replacing the fridges at exactally 2:00, only to start geting things together. Then out toilet over flowed, and it was just craziness. Overall the party was fun. It was great to see some of my friends I hadn't seen in a while. Oh well... Well Wes is laughing at me for posting this and he is bugging me to get off. I'll be back at some time!! Bye bye!

Graduation

2005-06-17T23:23:00.000-07:00

I am so happy this school year is over, and I graduated!!! Graduation was fun, I was way bummed that my camera broke somewhere between home and school so my pics are few and far between but when I do get some I will for sure post some. It was a bitter-sweet thing, there are some of my best friends that are going to be going to school in Utah and Minnisota and I will probably never see them, at least not for a while, so that was sad but there was some much lighter moments of the night, our Valedictorian did a MadLib put together by the senior class in her speech. Normally people throw beach balls around the field, but there somehow managed to be a blow up doll fall into the lap of myself and the girl next to me, ackward I must say. Our whole class was crazy I don't think anyone was in their seats during the reading of the names except thoes getting their names read, and Wes just informed me today that there was a steaker, and I missed it!!! Oh well. I don't feel any different, should I??? Well anyways, thats been my life in a nut shell the past few weeks. I'll have something more interesting to say a little later. Peace out.

Love

2005-06-04T08:57:00.000-07:00

Last night I was reading a blog of a very intelligent friend of mine, overall his blog was about love. But what he had to say got me thinking. What does it mean to love? Our English vocabulary is very skimpy with how we use words. Between the greek and hebrew, there are well over 6 different words for our single word love. No matter so many things get lost in translation. To steal a line from Rob Bell's video Flame (available at www.nooma.com , I highly recommend the whole series) "I love my wife and I love taco's??" I think in our culture it is so hard to determine exactally what it means to love. How do we love our friends and neighbors? How do we love our spouses? How do we show our love to someone? How do we communicate our love to someone?

I think I have some of my own ideas right now but I wanted to see what everyone had to think. Let me know. I am interested.

To check out the blog I was talking about go to; www.awakening.typepad.com .

So Many Changes

2005-06-03T20:40:00.000-07:00

Over the past several days I have been so busy, which has left me with little time to get away to blog-land. I graduate in about a week. I am so excited, but at the same time I am so nervous. I am going to have to go through a world of changes. So many new things are going to be happening and so many new things are going to be coming my way. One thing I have been seeing through this whole time is how good God is.

So many times we go through the absolute insanity of daily life and sit back and wonder how the heck we got from 6:00 am to 11:00 pm still alive and still somewhat sane. At a glance, so often our lives don't appear to have God anywhere in them. I think this is not because God is not there, but in this current modern, orthodox culture we have had our eyes and minds trained to only see God in certain situations. We see God at church on Sunday morning and Wednesday night. We are trained to see God in the morning when we do our daily devotions. I think that by training ourselves to see God in these situations we are renouncing the joys of seeing God in every single moment of our lives. I believe that he is always there, just sometimes He is more obviously present than in other situations.

God is in every moment of every day. He is there when we are reading our Bibles and praying, just as much as he is when we are hiking a mountain or in a meeting at work. After all he does say he will never leave us nor forsake us, right?

So many times I think so many churches put so much of an emphasis on devotions that they make it appear as though God will only meet us in thoes times. Now please don't get me wrong, I believe reading and studying your Bible and praying are vital to the Christian walk, but I believe also that the time we spend in these activities are not the only ones in which we can experience God. Because if that is true, I don't know if I want to serve a God whom is only with me when I am reading my Bible and praying, because if I am having a relaxing day I still only have time to spend maybe 1/48 of that day with God (if we are using thoes terms), I want a God whom is with me all the time. I believe that I serve a God who is with me all the time, not just 1/48 of my day. (Does that make sense to anyone at all??)

This past week or two I have been able to see God in so many more aspects of my life than just the few moments I have in each day to spend in my Bible and in prayer. I have seen him in my finals, in my work, in my meetings, in the times I seped with my friends. Now I don't see him in that there is some huge revival going on everywhere I go, but right now I see him in that every hectic situation of my days, there is still order, and peace and I still see that I am going where I have dreamed to go in my life. It is so reashuring to see just how much he cares about our lives.

May we be people that don't just stop after our Bibles close, our eyes open, or our cars pull out of the church parking lot, but that we may be people that live in close communion with the living God, every moment of every day.

Better Day

2005-05-25T23:45:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know how many of you hate coming on here and reading about peoples days and their lives, but at least I make it short, I need somone to listen!

Today was a much better day than yesterday. Although still a little upset and stressed, I feel a lot better. Thank you so much for all of your prayers, and your concerns (to one person in particular) but also to everyone. Please don't worry.

God is so amazing, He is so good at taking what seems like the worst thing that could happen to us and making it into a situation far better than that which was before hand, and it seems like that is where this situation is going. God is so cool!!!

Oh yeah, by the way. Wes and I will be gone all weekend, (volunteering at Spirit West Coast) so forgive us for not blogging. But maybe we might come back with some food for thought!!!

Another Quick Thought

2005-05-25T01:18:00.000-07:00

Just one more quick thought...

Last night at the same meeting I mentioned earlier, someone brought up one of the best points I have ever heard.

Why is it that Christians can get so mad over one little bad word, but there are over 20 million people that will die from hunger?

Just some food for thought.

(Idea compliments of Robin Dugall!!)

Broken

2005-05-25T01:10:00.000-07:00

I know everyone is wondering why I am up and posting at 1:15 AM. I cannot sleep. I have had a rough night. I have never felt so upset and broken. I feel as though the world was turned upside down in 5 minutes, because of a series of mistakes I have been making.

I have two requests from my bolgging friends...
1. Please do not ask specifics on my situation, it is very tough and personal to deal with
2. PLEASE keep Wes and I in your prayers.

Thank you all for being there.

Christians Are Our Own Worst Witness

2005-05-24T14:02:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a meeting for the TEAM conference which I attend each summer, (which is totally amazing!! check it out at www.thecolony.youthsite.org) The meeting was great. Not only did I have the oportunity to talk to a lot of people I rarly ever see, but we got to discuss a lot of the plans for the week of the conference.

On our was home there was 5 of us in my car. Being the driver, I wasn't as into the heated conversations that were taking place, because I knew that deep conversations with Wes and focusing on the road didn't miss too well. So I spent a large part of the time listening.

One of the individuals that was riding with us, theologically thinks much different than we do, which is totally fine with me. But this person seemed to think that we couldn't fully experience what they did and we are taking many things wrong because we didn't do them or see them the same way they did.

The point of this blog is not to try and convince you than my arguement was right and their arguement was wrong. But more that I feel that I really got a chance to see why so many people don't want to go to church, or even why they stop going, no one can agree on anything. You get some that are willing to try anything, some that think that their was is the only way and that the rest of us are going to go to hell because we don't do things the way they do, then there are other people whom just want others to know what they know, but not to prove a point, but because they love that person enough they want them to experience the same thing that they have. Now I know there are many others "ways" people think, but these were the only ones I could think of spur of the moment.

I feel as though I am contradicting myself by making these classifications, because I don't think that we should have these classifications, or any. Why can't we all be precious children of God. We are all one body, so why do we try to esteem one above another? What makes me any better or any worse than any other person? I don't think there is anything but human jealousy. Jealousy to be better, have more, be more.

Now I can see why so many don't want to go to church or stop going to church, it seems like no two Christians can get along and agree. How are they suppose to know which church to go to, because no two churches seem to teach the same thing. There have been times in my own life that I have wanted to stop going all together because of the constant disagreements and competitions between churches. It seems like so many churches are in a convert-ition (ok, that was my cheesy way of saying convert competition, anyways). I mean think about it, how many people can read on their churches year end statements how many people were saved that year. Now my opinion and take on salvation is for another day and another post, and not the topic of todays post.

I know I have gone a hundred different directions with this post, but who's counting? And I am sure I might have left an incomplete thought somewhere, but I am sure you got the general gist of this post.

May we all be people whom live and worship in one acord, in one mind, in one spirit, the way it is suppose to be!

Listening and Understanding

2005-05-15T13:44:00.000-07:00

Just a few minutes ago I was reading a post of a good friend of mine. In this post they were talking about feeling as though no one understands and when we just need to listen.

As far as the feeling as though no one understands, I think sometimes I feel like this about my entire life. The people closest to me never seem to understand my hopes, dreams and ambitions. Other people never seem to understand why I think the way I think. Often it seems as though, what it the smartest and wisest decision in a situation, is just setting me up for reticule from those people around me later.

To me, this isn't how the body of Christ should be. As the Bible describes it, we are basically a body. Never (at least not that I know of, lol) Has my arm felt as though my hand just didn't understand it. Never has there been a misunderstanding that resulted in one of the members feeling lost and hurt. Why do we, the body of Christ, do these things to each of the other members. Is it that we live in such a time that everyone is so preoccupied with what is the best thing for them to do, that they neglect what the rest of the body needs, or what is best for them. Back to my arm and hand example, when I lift weights to increase my arm strength, my hand cooperates, despite the fact that it is developing calluses across my palm. My hand continues to work together with my arm in my bodies best interest. Never does it boil down to my hand not wanting the calluses, therefore it won't do its part in holding the weight. Now these might be silly elementary illustrations, although I think they make a good illustration as to how it is so vital for all members of the body to support and work with one another, and not do what is only in the best interest of only the single member.

The second point that was mentioned in my friends blog was the importance of listening to one another. I think this is something we all need in order to survive. I think we have all been on both sides of the spectrum. I think that we have been the one whom people come to with their problems and for whatever reason, whether we genuinely want to solve their problems or whether we think if we hurry up and try to solve it we won't be stuck having to listen to their problems. Whatever the case, I am sure we have all been there to some degree. But I am also sure we have all also been on the other side where we just want someone to listen to us, where we just want someone to care and understand and hold us.

How can we expect that person to be there, when you were not willing to be there for them?

May we all be disciples of Christ, that work together as a body. Assisting each other, loving and caring for each other. Willing to bend to help out our fellow members.

May we also bee disciples who care about each other. That we listen to one another, and when we need to, go and be listened to.

Excitement!!!

2005-05-06T22:48:00.000-07:00

Wesley is coming home tomorrow!!!! I am so excited, I miss him so much!!!!!!!!!

I can't wait to see you then, love you Wes!!!

Why are Men So Confusing???

2005-04-28T23:04:00.000-07:00

Tonight I had a meeting for the TEAM 05 conference (YAY FOR TEAM!!!) and comming home I had a very interesting conversation with my friend (whom by the way is a guy) and in his attempt to explain the male geneder to me, I think I only became more confused and fusterated!!! Do all men not want to make a commitment to the one they have because they still want to have their "freedom" with other women?? Because man if that is the case, us poor women are misled and confused!!! At least I am. What is it about commitment that is so horrible??? Why does one couple have to wait forever to get married and others don't??? Forgive me for being so nieve if you will, but I am so confused!!! I am only trying to make sense out of everything!!!

I have to memorise this verse and I am on here more than anywhere so I figured it would be a good place to put it!!!

2005-04-22T15:05:00.000-07:00

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance fo us to do." Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)

Getting Back

2005-04-21T21:58:00.000-07:00

Tonight I went to church as I always do on Thursdays. I went to the study sat and listened pondering several of the topics Pastor Rob was discussing. Jotting down some notes I was plannin on posting tonight when I got home. Afterwards I went over to the youth rooms to talk to Luke and Christina, when we went back into get Christina's purse, I saw an old friend, whom I haven't seen in well over a year. He had come up to lead worship for a salvation night the junior high youth group at my church had tonight. We were so excited to see each other, we gave each other a hug and started catching up on things over the past year or so. We talled about his fiance, (May 14th is the big day for him!) and my boyfriend. Whats going on, and then we remembered some of the great memories we had shared 3 or 4 summers ago. Memories form Spirit West coast in Monterey, to Citylight. It was so refreshing to catch up, listen to the stories, laugh ourselvs to tears. I have become so caught up in the philosophy and this blogging craze I think I was beginning to loose touch with who I really am. I have been allowing my life to become an on-going study to learn something more. For some that may work, but I was to the point I was feeling distant, exhausted. I was exhausted from trying to keep up with everyone on the blog craze, I was feeling distant from the ones I love and care about most. Even thoes I blog with every day. Having discussions doesn't work like communicating in a relationship. One becomes domineering, and one feels stupid. Talking about all these issues doesn't help me become closer to anyone, if anything it pushes me away more because I am so confused I try to go deeper. Don't get me wrong, I love talking about them, I am just saying in my own life they have began to take the place of so much more important things, such as my relationships. It is my prayer that this isn't an obsession for anyone, because I know God doesn't want it to be an obsession. He still wants us to love and interract with his creation, not spend every waking moment to try and understand the perplexity of things, although I think it is a fun thing to do!!! I think we need to find a balance, so that we don't loose touch with who we really are.

It all made sense

2005-04-20T22:11:00.000-07:00

Tonight I started going to a Purpose Driven Life biblestudy. I think had I not have read the section I talked about earlier in my previous post, I think that I would have been very closed minded going into the study. Although as I sat and observed what was going on, it all made sense. Nothing that they said was wrong, as a matter of fact it was good. But the one thing I think it was, was modern. Everyone there was very modern, and it fit them very well. Tonight I really saw how neither modern or post-modern is right or wrong, they are both good. I just think the older generation I am taking this class with is all very modern. For them to hear some of the post-modern things I am wrestling with I think they would think I have lost my mind. I believe that "we" are the generation of transition between modern and post modern. I believe some will embrace it while others completley reject it. I believe that amazing things are going to take place over the next few hundred years, if not the next thousand years. May we allenbrace this transition and change, and may we not reject the modernity we have grown up with.

Ahh...

2005-04-20T13:14:00.000-07:00

The more I read into Brian McLaren's book "A New Kind Of Christian" the more I truly begin to understand why everything hardly makes any sense at all. One thing that I am finding most fascinating about this fiction/non fiction book is how "NEO" views this post modern era. Just as we transitioned from Anchient to Middle Ages to Modern, we are now making another change in to the post modern era. An analogy he used to describe this whole thing is like a child going through puberty, the toys from their child hood are no longer what they need, they need something more, something deeper. Just as the modern age worked for many years (nearly 500) we have come so far and developed so much we are ready for the next level so to say. The post modern era. Some think that we are extremely unorthodox for thinking and living our lives this way. Athough, historically, it makes complete sense. Again, as a teenager going through puberty, things are changing inside them, a lot of things are scarry and don't make perfect sense. These feelings often leave may of us wondering if we have either lost our faith, our mind or possibly both. As we enter the post modern era, with the emerging church, we must not discredit the things from the modern era, they are by no means wrong, instead we are transitioning from one stage to another. So many think we are wrong, but imagine how many thought they were wrong when they transitoned into the modern era. May we go out in courage, that we are not loosing our mind, nor our faith, but we are moving into something new and exciting!!

Check it Out!!!

2005-04-19T22:09:00.000-07:00

I think I have seen it all now, I'm not sure if this would be more appropriate on the wall of shame, but I was reading a friends blog and they were commenting on this. Check out the website www.disaved.org You will see what I mean!!!

Ugg!!!

2005-04-18T19:27:00.000-07:00

I hate all of the frustrating aspects of life. High school for example. I only have 57 days until I graduate, and only 32 more of actually being in class. (not that I am counting or anything) I am sick of the drama, the filth of the lifestyles all around me, knowing that I am accepted to and almost registered in the college I have been so excited to go to, yet why do I have to keep going to this high school. I am doing nothing. I have one person I can actually call a true friend who still goes there, but I hardly ever get to see her. Wes isn't there. I miss him like crazy. I am so bored in all of my classes, I am not doing anything!!! The only class I have to show up to is aerobics, because the only credit we get is attendence points. It's the same thing every single day... wake up at 6:11 am, take a shower, get dresses, make up and hair, eat a yogurt with flax seed, drive to school, rush to make it in class by 7:20, listen to the latest gossip from everyone around me, then some British literature history, then stop in and say hi to Coach Marshall, go to aerobics, work out, then to Civics, listen to Fernandez talk about how wrong the rest of the world is, then go to chemistry, and try to get through it without loosing my mind. Then I go home, eat, go to work, come home, relax or go to church, come home, wash my face, call Wes, read my Bible, write in my prayer journal, go to sleep, and do it all over again. Its the same thing every day. Life can get so boring. It is exhausting how lame it can be. I know God has me here for a reason. I know I have done a lot, but at the same time I feel like I have done nothing. There are so much more important things I can be spending my time on. Or at least it seems that way to me right now. Lord, please give me patients, but I wouldn't mind the remainder of this school year speeding by!!!

So I went a little picture crazy!!!

2005-04-15T22:43:00.000-07:00

Okay I went a little picture crazy, but I like them!! What can I say, I miss the guy!! Thats okay he is coming to visit me tomorrow!!!!

2005-04-15T22:42:00.000-07:00

Dancing the night away!!!

2005-04-15T22:41:00.000-07:00

Wes, Me, Andrea and Craig ~ Prom 2004 ~ The Best Time EVER!!!

2005-04-15T22:39:00.000-07:00

Joel and Becky's Wedding

2005-04-15T22:38:00.000-07:00

Brian & Chaya and Me and Wes ~ TEAM 2004

2005-04-15T22:31:00.000-07:00

Jesse, Janette, Me and Wesley @ Homecoming 2004 (Good times!!!)

2005-04-15T22:30:00.000-07:00

Jackson, Aunt Ashley and Fat Uncle Wes - Christmas 2004

2005-04-15T22:27:00.000-07:00

Wes on Ketil at my house

2005-04-15T22:25:00.000-07:00

Wes and his little smurf!!! Wrestling season, 2002.

2005-04-15T22:24:00.001-07:00

Day at the Beach

2005-04-15T22:24:00.000-07:00

Prom - May 31, 2003

2005-04-15T22:23:00.000-07:00

Homecoming - November 9, 2002

2005-04-15T22:22:00.000-07:00

Wes (the Best Man) and I (the filmer) at Luke and Christina's Wedding - August 29, 2004

2005-04-15T22:21:00.000-07:00

Knotts Berry Farms - Vetrans Day 2004

2005-04-15T22:20:00.000-07:00

Us at Seaworld, with Uncle Joey's Band in the Background

2005-04-15T22:19:00.000-07:00

Fourth of July 2004 @ the Strahan's with Calvary Chapel Ramona

2005-04-15T22:18:00.000-07:00

Jakes Del Mar ~ Prom Dinner 2004

2005-04-15T22:17:00.000-07:00

Wes Graduation ~ 2004

2005-04-15T22:15:00.000-07:00

Wrestling Division 3 CIF - Brawley High School - 2004

2005-04-15T22:13:00.000-07:00

Billy Graham Crusade @ Qualcomm Stadium

2005-04-15T22:12:00.000-07:00

Yosemiti - 2004

2005-04-15T22:11:00.000-07:00

Wes and his #1 Fan at a football game last year!!! (Love ya!!!)

Pastor Craig Canfield of the Church of Present Day Saints (With Assistant Pastor Ashley)

2005-04-15T21:38:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I said that I would add highlights from Craigs study last night so here I go. (The title is an inside joke, and we threw in Pastor Ashley to make all the Calvary fanetics freek about a woman pastor, hehehe)

1 Peter 3:8-15, was the main passage we focused on.

During Jewish culture, many of the Jewish leaders whom could not agree on the laws would do what was called Fencing the laws. Since they could not agree on a law they would make a set of boundary laws around that law so it was completly protected. We have been freed from the legalism and the laws that condem. When we focus our attention on Christ, and turn and look at him, we aren't even focusing on not doing this and not doing that, and we are less likley to sin when we are not focused on the sin.

When we choose to make Christ our master, we become obeident to him.

Agape love, a proactive love, a love that goes out and does something. We can siton a stool in the front of church and go through life and never sin, but we will be without love. Jesus never once waited for someone to love him, he loved them first. When we just sit around not sinning, it won't do anyone any good for the kingdom.

"Be ready to give a defence for your hope..." defence - apolgia (greek) - where we get our word apolgetics, which has become quite the taboo term for a debate/arguement. Here we are told to give a defence for our hope, not try and prove someone wrong, or condemn someone to hell.

The Gospel, which is the good news has become bad news in our culture, so many are presented the gospel as though it is something there to take away all of their fun and tell them all they are doing wrong, hardly anyone ever focuses on what is good.
The Gospel is like a rosebush. When you go out and buy a rosebush you buy it for the beauty of the flower, not the thorns.

Our purpose is not about winning any arguements, or proving any doctrines, but sharing our hope. Giving a defence for our hope, with gentelness, meekness, fear, reverence and respect.

- Seek God so that we may not do wrong
- Don't fence in Christianity in, open it us
- Re-make the Gospel good news
- What hope do we have that we are defending?
- Do everything out of love, meekness and fear. Then we will have and will be able to defend our hope.

~Ok, I know this wanna be outline was very choppy and jumped from point to point. But in Craig's teaching it went very well and flowed very well. I have much more notes, I only put the main points. If you have any questions please feel free to ask. (Craig, what was my grade on the summerization?) (I had to grade Craig's study for his class)

Frustrations!!!

2005-04-15T15:04:00.000-07:00

So today was another one of thoes not so good meeting days. Not so much directly aimed at me, but just the way some people think. 2 guys came to our meeting today. One was saying that our club is not doing its job, we need to be "preaching the Gospell" everyday. Thats all fine and good, but the point was brought up that well maybe our group needs to hear something more. And they said our whole school needs the Holy Spirit. I was getting a little annoyed with how they were talking as though they were so much above everyone else. Then I brought up the fact that I think we should be evangelising out of love for the person, not with a hidden agenda. (Thanks Rob Bell in Bullhorn! www.nooma.com) They responded by saying, well of course I don't love any of these people, thats not what it is about, it is about getting them to believe what I believe. I was just like wow. Is this really how some people think? I am soooo frustrated!!!

Just a Thought

2005-04-15T14:26:00.000-07:00

As I was driving down 67 the other day and 3 bugs hit my windshied and I wondered...

Are bugs very suicidal OR very accident prone?

Note to Wes and Danny

2005-04-13T14:22:00.000-07:00

Guys, you seriously need to let me know when I need 6 hours to read your posts. (hehehe)